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1 of 1- brokencatholicgirl
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trying to accept he will remain closeted and people will believe him
30 year relationship, the past 17 married, to a man who is on sniffies and denies his neck down pic is him. I helped him through what was supposed to be terminal cancer to boot a few years back. I just wish he would tell me truth, so I don't have to look like I am abandoning him after cancer. I will move out in February, I have a place. This is the last worst Christmas ever.. I am sure it gets better, I am hopeful person with good faith. I could just use some messages from people who get it. Thanks for having this safe space available!
I learned from experience that joy does not reside in the things about us, but in the very depths of the soul, that one can have it in the gloom of a dungeon as well as in the palace of a king.
-St. Therese of Liseux
- freedmyself
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Re: trying to accept he will remain closeted and people will believe him
Hi girl,
Welcome and I'm sorry you're here, and you are most definitely not alone!
Even though my GXH came out to everyone, so I was able to tell people my story, I will still never get the truth from him in terms of when he realized he couldn't keep his secret any longer, whether he cheated on me while we were married, etc. Seems to me that Truth in general is not perhaps a top priority for a person who has intentionally kept a core part of themselves secret and hidden from the spouse who had the right to know.
Of course who knows what other people will think of your split, but it seems to me that when someone is keeping a giant secret, it affects their whole selves, not just the expression of their sexual selves. It could very well be that other people in your life have seen or sensed that your marriage is less than awesome, even if they don't know why. After my ex came out and split, I had a friend tell me that she had always been uncomfortable around him but could never put her finger on exactly why.
From where I sit I can say that absolutely this gets better AND ALSO it gets significantly better if you can spend time actively working on healing. Of course time helps; however, if you can double down on self-care, find a close friend or two in whom to confide, and get a good therapist if your resources allow, I think it makes a huge difference. It certainly did for me.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas, in spite of everything. Hang in there - you're worth it :-)
- brokencatholicgirl
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Re: trying to accept he will remain closeted and people will believe him
Thank you and Merry Christmas! So glad someone read this today, because I don't want to bother my very supportive friends on Christmas Eve. I just needed to speak my truth right now. I will enjoy midnight mass after this short pity party, looking forward to mass next year though! 
I learned from experience that joy does not reside in the things about us, but in the very depths of the soul, that one can have it in the gloom of a dungeon as well as in the palace of a king.
-St. Therese of Liseux
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