Kt,

We/I hear you here.  I just wanted to say I think your strong empathetic and humane for taking care of your cheating husband while he was hurt.  My lezex had put herself in the hospital from rage and stress.  I tried to be supportive taking care of the kids bringing her stuff to the hospital.  She would have only her girlfriend at the hospital to hold her hand..  just 2 friends holding hands..nothing going on there.

I had to go to hospital this week..I think the stress is catching up with me.  I had no one to help me so I drove myself in.
In contrast when I was on the hospital I got irate texts and she wanted to discuss financials...no empathy remorse or "how are feeling".  I was  appalled but it was not unexpected.

I've learned not to expect basic and fundamental humanity from my narcissistic ex.  This is really hard..  I think you should lower your expectations also of your cheating husband.

At the same time I do not want to become  like them..I am humane. I have compassion,  empathy and am capable of strong love.  I do not want to lose who I am.  I am  not a citizen of the gay narcissistic valley.  I will not build my home here. Sadly we must go through the valley...through the fire..

Walk forward and do what you know is right..we deserve not to be abused. We deserve not to be lied to.  They have forfeited our strong love.  I hope to come through this with remnants of myself. ..   I will sleep knowing I did the right moral thing.  I know God would not want us to stay in an abusive marriage. 

Take comfort and seek support where you can.  We have been fundamentally violated or abused. 
Be kind to yourself. 

E hugs  (virtual but authentic)

Last edited by Rob (July 1, 2016 6:53 am)

Kt

Thanks.  I'm ok...   I have family and friends...they just weren't around to help when I went..

It did hit me not having spouse. It hurt to be in pain and to be in battle with my ex at the same time...it all added up to this oppressing weight.

I don't think we will ever understand the selfishness of them..how they can sleep at night knowing what they did (my lezex told me she sleeps fine).

I don't want to understand. .i just want her to go away.

Hi Daryl, thank you. I try to distance myself from him, but at the same time he just won't stay away. We have children together too & so I have to see him often. The bullets on your reply for codependency all fit me. I realized I have been codependent on him. He's all I've ever known. I am seeing a therapist, hoping it helps me over come this. Hoping to find activities too that can give me my own space & take my mind away from him & this.

I find it really warped or crazy..we have to divorce our spouses because we love them.
My lezex always told me all the mean things she'd do if I cheated on her...and then she goes and has a full blown affair.  I see this now for what it is..full blown narcissism. Selfishness.  Immorality justified by imaginary offenses she blames on me. 

It matters little who files the divorce...what matters is treating yourself kindly and humanely...knowing we deserve humane moral treatment. 

May we all find the kindness and peace we deserve.

Last edited by Rob (July 3, 2016 8:33 am)

Thanks Rob, Rick, & Daryl for your advice & understanding. On a lighter note, your names reminded me of the show The Walking Dead & made me lol a lil bit.
Anyway, I've had quite a few people tell me "be kind to yourself" what do they mean by that & how?