To all the wonderful spouses that find themselves on this forum, I'd like to remind you that you and your needs matter, too. A lot of us seem to be in a situation that we didn't want to be a part of, but because of the political climate surrounding the issue, our voices get shut down and our needs are ignored out in the real world.

My husband came out as transgender in 2021, and I put myself on the back burner in order to be a fully supportive spouse. Unfortunately, my mental health declined, and when reaching our for help for myself, I continued to be put on the back burner. My primary care physician's words cut through my tears, "well, think about what your spouse has been through!", and my trauma therapist also shut down my grief to highlight statistics on trans people before finishing with, "but do go on with your feelings."

For several years, I was in a mental fog, and when I was shut down time and time again, I began to lose myself. I was dissociating just about every day, I questioned everything that I did or thought, lest it be the "wrong" thing. I finally gave up, got my affairs in order, and planned for the end. I ended up in the hospital for a brief stay before being released to my family, who took turns staying with me while I recovered. I lost my job, and have spent much of this past year spending time focusing on healing with time in nature and picking up hobbies that I've always loved but lost the motivation for in the recent past.

This post is for those who may be like me, who are just looking for someone to acknowledge their pain. I promise you, I will listen. Because we understand each other's pain - this unambiguous loss that has shattered the world that we used to know. I can never seem to find the right words to share with others so that they can catch a glimpse of what this has been like, but I realize that my fellow spouses here understand before any words are even spoken/written.