Ellexoh_nz wrote:

My comments in red. 

Lostperson wrote:

So I discovered that my husband is bi sexual almost a year ago .
I tried to rebuild the relationship because we have young kids and he tried too..
Now I feel I can't be with him ! Because of many reasons including years of him and his family making me feel not enough! Specifically 8years of my life!
Now he is trying to tell me he wants to spend time with the kids alone...for the last 4 years he rarely took any days off but now suddenly he wants to spend all the time with us. 
Your husband sounds like he doesn't want to lose the privileges he has (a wife & children, family life it's a great cover) and all of a sudden spending time with you all is him convincing you he can change.
You talk a lot about what he wants. How about what you want Lost?

My kids are so attached to me and I feel so sad. You should feel proud that your r'ship with the children is so precious. You may have to separate the feelings you have for them with the emotions you feel towards their father.

He is telling me that I should move on and I can't blame him for mistakes he committed before...I really feel that i can't move on ...He's trying to make up your mind for you. Why should you move on and accept what he offers? Why shouldn't you feel aggrieved at the 'mistakes' he's committed? 
You won't move on until you acknowledge that you actually deserve more than he has(n't) given you.

I'm filing divorce papers but I feel I will lose time with my kids...the alternative is staying married! I don't know if I can force my self. Divorce is harsh. But will staying together make it better or worse?

I really feel lost. We're all lost at some point in the Mindfuck. You will find a path out. I did. There is no template for this, we each make our own.

 

Elle
 

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

You are right ...I'm not even sure of what I want...most of the time I just want this nightmare to end.

Hi Lost - yes you are feeling lost and this is a real thing.  It is a nightmare to wake up to.  You believed you were home but it turns out to be a false address.

Have you got friends and family you can talk with?  It sounds to me like you are feeling concerned he wants to keep the children, so I am hoping you have family as well as friends you can confide in who will be supportive of you and help you get through this.  Have you spoken with a lawyer who is versed in family court?

wishing you all the best, Lily

freedmyself wrote:

Hi Lost, 

All of this is extremely disorienting! I'll add my voice to those suggesting you see a lawyer.  
It's hard to believe while you're in the middle of the mess like you are, but there is greater sanity on the other side of separation and divorce.  It took time and quite a bit of inner work and lots of therapy for me to feel like I was starting to move on. 

Thank you for responding .

Yes I have a lawyer and my soon to be an ex he signed to have 25% physical custody and 75% is mine but it feels that he is forcing his way to 50%

He wants 50% and to use the kids to fight me .

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Lostperson wrote:

.....Yes I have a lawyer and my soon to be an ex he signed to have 25% physical custody and 75% is mine but it feels that he is forcing his way to 50%
He wants 50% and to use the kids to fight me .

 

From what you've posted I get the feeling he's been even less of a 25% father anyway......so stand up, be strong, speak with your lawyer and ask for assurance that your nurture and worth as a mother will be seen and valued.

E
 

Thanks ..he loves the kids I have no doubt but I think he is just pressuring me and he knows how it hurts when I'm away from them.

He tells me that he is trying to advocate for himself .