I'm not even sure where to start but here goes.

My husband and I met online on a website for single parents, we both had a child from previous marriages in our 20s that didn't work out. We dated and fell in love, had the most amazing sex for many years. We also welcomed two more children, moved states for his job, and our lives were moving in a positive direction. After ten years we were both ready to get married again, so we planned and had a beautiful wedding.
*About 3 months before our wedding, he informed me of a traumatic experience he had as a teenager (he was assaulted). It didn't change anything for me in regards to my feelings for him, I felt our relationship was even stronger after he shared that pain with me. I encouraged him to seek counseling, which he eventually started a few months later.
Immediately after our wedding, he shaved his beard (which he'd had our entire relationship), and then his entire body, stating he felt cleaner. He started growing out the hair on his head for the first time in his life, and was really happy with it, so I just went with the flow.
He started therapy on a phone app and told me the therapist recommended he start hormone treatment for “depression and anxiety” and I was immediately confused… why would they put him on hormones instead of antidepressants? I started researching the app, turns out its specifically made for transitioning adults. I confronted him, he said it was because of gender dysphoria he has felt since he was a child. That was a shock as he had never expressed those feelings to me. He had always bragged about what a wonderful relationship we had, it hurt me so deeply that he had kept this secret so long.
Nonetheless, I wanted to be supportive because I love him so much.
He started wearing women's clothes at home after the kids went to bed, and wears bras under his work clothes during the day. He still ogles me when I'm changing (yet locks ME out when HE is changing), he shows sexual interest in me, but I'm having a REALLY hard time reciprocating. I'm not attracted to men in women's clothes, or to trans women, or women in general. When I look at him in his nightgown with his hair getting longer.. I imagine he looks just like his mother and boom.. my libido is toast. The hormones have affected his body, the parts of him I enjoyed are slowly disappearing. He says he's still the same person I knew before, but he's not.
I'm just so sad and feel so alone. Like many others who have posted here, I'm grieving the loss of the person I thought i knew, and trying to come to terms with the fact that the future I was looking forward to will no longer come. I won't have my happy ending with him as a woman.
Everything was so perfect for so long, I kept expecting “the other shoe to drop” so to speak. We have great communication, he's the best partner I've ever had. He knows me so well he can tell what I'm feeling by looking at my face. He does his share of parenting and household chores. My friends would tease me and say he's probably secretly a serial killer. Honestly, I think that would be easier to deal with. I don't know how to feel anything but sad, I can't stop crying over this feeling of loss. I want to be there for him as a best friend should be, but I'm sad for me, for what I'm losing in this process. I could be gaining a wonderful girl friend, but I still miss the feeling of his beard on me. I don't want anyone else, I don't want to date again. I'm an atheist and don't believe in destiny, but I really thought we were “meant to be”. It feels so awful to be wrong.