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1 of 1- lbloom6772
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I feel Overwhelmed and confused
Hi
When I got into a relationship with my partner he was open about his sexual past (not specifying who though)
we are both Christian, it wasn't until we started discussing marriage that he told me that part about himself. He had only had male sexual partners and watched gay porn. it wasn't till we started dating that he stopped having sex with men but he confessed to me that he did watch porn and when he did it was about men. Should I be concerned about his attraction to me? He's had romantic feelings for women but nothing sexual has ever happened. He is a perfect partner in all over ways, very loving and doting on him, honestly the best I've ever been treated by anyone but I'm scared he will one day wake up and decide I'm not enough for him
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: I feel Overwhelmed and confused
lbloom6772 wrote:
Hi
When I got into a relationship with my partner he was open about his sexual past (not specifying who though)
we are both Christian, it wasn't until we started discussing marriage that he told me that part about himself. He had only had male sexual partners and watched gay porn. it wasn't till we started dating that he stopped having sex with men but he confessed to me that he did watch porn and when he did it was about men. Should I be concerned about his attraction to me? He's had romantic feelings for women but nothing sexual has ever happened. He is a perfect partner in all over ways, very loving and doting on him, honestly the best I've ever been treated by anyone but I'm scared he will one day wake up and decide I'm not enough for him
Welcome to our Forum IBloom
Tell me....are you married now? Because if not you should take some....actually a lot of time to think this through. There is a deep, wide chasm between a heterosexual partner and a bisexual/gay partner. Bisexual/gay men don't think the same, their desires & behaviour means they are more adept at keeping secrets and only revealing as much of themselves as they have to..to get through life without being truly honest about who they are.
To keep a bisexual/gay secret hidden until they are ready to come out these men can be incredibly good, and kind, and generous. Perfect even lol....it's how they survive. And I do believe they look for women who are susceptible to that kind of personality.
Keep reading, asking questions 
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Anon 765
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Re: I feel Overwhelmed and confused
Hello,
I was in a similar situation to yours. My ex admitted to a bit of experimentation that happened before we met. Turns out it was just the tip of a much bigger iceberg that was revealed much later into our marriage. We were religious, and I believe he was trying to "do the right thing" by marrying someone he cared for, and loved in his way. But... he secretly watched gay porn throughout the marriage, and at one point, it all came out. He felt safe enough at that point to identify as bi. Our marriage slowly fell apart over a few years. And now he's engaged to his boyfriend and identifying as gay.
I realize now that neither one of us should have been in this marriage. I was angry and resentful towards him for so many years, because I never got what I deserved from him as a partner - how could I? He was not being honest with himself, let alone me. And, for his part, he was not being loved for who he truly is, which he also deserves to have.
You deserve to have a partner who can be there for you fully: mentally, emotionally, sexually, and all the rest. I don't think that someone who is confused about his sexuality - and perhaps more so because of a religious environment that might be telling him that he is wrong for liking men - can be a healthy partner.
I'd echo what Elle says, as someone who has "been there done that". Take a lot of time to think this through. Talk to friends. Read posts on the forum. If you're not married, ask yourself some hard questions about this whole situation. Rely on yourself, your deep inner knowing, and not on what he is telling you. It's a lot easier to walk away from this now, than 30+ years into a marriage with kids and a lot of financial and other entanglement.
Wishing you the best,
Anon 765