She had started a job about a month ago, but they'd already cut hours, it was a 1099 job, so taxes would have been about double, and it was 30+ miles away with dumb shifts... but she managed to find another doing the same thing at a new place in town for $2 more full time with some benefits, so that's a big step forward. 
Still sorting thru finances.. student loans and house still the big things. 

What gets me is how much she still lies. Friday night she used the exact same excuse from the same weekend last year... dinner for her MMA class... After 9pm, fancy dress up... that stays out past 3am. And some how ends up at 2 separate gay bars, both with the same posted events from last year. I guess she'll never actually be honest, can't imagine what she's told her family, I have a feeling if she'd been honest with them, they would have reached out to me by now. 

Unrelated... thru my local support group, was talking with a friend who has been thru a divorce and remarried, very supportive. He mentioned he's been teaching the singles class at that church (where the group meets) and invited me, mentioned a couple women by first name... Didn't think much of it, next morning FB gives me a friend suggestion for one of them, notice he and another friend are both mutual friends with her.. Scroll thru, and there's a ton of pictures of her with this other friend (married woman my age that I used to go to church with as a kid 1500 miles away in another state, but happens to live local now) and thought that was an interesting connection. At the gym later, happened to mention it to my trainer (or make shift therapist) and he asks "is she cute?" So I show him her FB page. He says she looks familiar, looks up her name in the system "Dude, she's here right now with another trainer"... She's a regular at the gym, usually the same time I'm there. So... now I'm trying to figure out how to approach her without coming off as another gym creep... because "it seems God wants me to meet you" feels a bit like.... [img]https://y.yarn.co/86580c34-bab1-407a-8ffc-a3dd75b9d243_text.gif[/img]

I did talk to this common friend the other day though... just gonna have to go with "Do you know ______? You keep popping up on my friend suggestions"

There's posts regularly about the gay partner's 2nd adolescence... I fear my second high school dating phase.

Hi Held, I think you can take the fact that she still lies as corroboration of who she is and how nothing you could do or not do would have changed that.

Yeah the difference between straight and lesbian women is huge - much more than the sexual orientation.  We're just completely different - got lots of good qualities but simply not equipped to compete with the closet lesbians.

I was still in the process of divorce when someone I totally fancied, his wife left him for another man.  Will you marry me, he says to me, yeah ok I reply not sure if he's being serious, well he was.  I fell madly in love with him, never experienced anything like it before or since, it was agony when he went to his wife's call (turned out she was just playing him by doing that, and he still hasn't understood she is a closet lesbian and she has him under her thumb). I'm still hurting, so I respect your fear of dating but you know nothing could have stopped that happening.

And this is something that does happen, the person who is just right for you waiting in the wings.  But Rob is right about  being careful - it's one or the other - straight who is attracted to you or lesbian who is playing you.  See if you can tell the difference.

I finally said to one guy who thought I'd be perfect for him that I thought he would be happier with a boyfriend and he just about flew down the stairs.

I think straights are in the minority now, there are so many closeted lesbians, the ones who are openly lesbian are the tip of an iceberg and same for the men. 

Rob, thank you for liking my other post, she was a wonderful cat, I loved her to bits and she never went back to the house, she sat on the verandah like she was on the deck of a ship, completely determined we lived in the studio and she was coming with me when we set sail.

Last edited by lily (September 16, 2025 4:12 pm)

Brief update, 
Since I was unable to get a home equity loan, my parents stepped in and will front the money to buy her out, part of that coming from the 401k my brother left me, and the rest from future inheritance. Thankfully with them receiving the 401k they can withdraw it without penalties where I would not have been able to. So... I get to keep the house, which is a huge load off. 

HeldHostageInHerCloset wrote:

Brief update, 
Since I was unable to get a home equity loan, my parents stepped in and will front the money to buy her out, part of that coming from the 401k my brother left me, and the rest from future inheritance. Thankfully with them receiving the 401k they can withdraw it without penalties where I would not have been able to. So... I get to keep the house, which is a huge load off. 

Sounds like a plan   Its still so sad that after all the years and devotion we've given all they want is money.  All i can say is that most days its worth every penny to be free from the abuse.