NDAs have come up in the past:

https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=1305

Personally I wouldn't sign one.

What does your lawyer advise, and why?

ETA:
Anon,
   I don't remember all the details of your divorce.  I did some quick internet searching on Non Disclosure Agreementss in divorce, and although most are written for the divorcing spouse who wants to require one, I have gleaned some information that seems it might be valuable to you as you think over what to do.

  Is this a "non-disclosure" or a "non-disparagement" agreement?   "Non-disparagement" could expose you to further harassment and abuse, as what constitutes "disparagement" can differ.   

  If it's a non-disclosure agreement, is the financial settlement contingent on the NDA?  From what I read, an NDA isn't worth signing unless it comes with a financial premium--is he offering you more if you'll sign an NDA?

 I would ask your lawyer whether your stbx might use the NDA to harass or threaten you--how it could work against you--after the divorce.  You don't want to sign yourself into a situation in which he continues to assert a hold over you after the divorce is over.  From what you describe, he seems like a horrible and vindictive person.  

  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (June 22, 2024 4:49 pm)

Hi Anon2222,

At the beginning of my divorce negotiations my husband put non disparagement clause in, I asked my attorney for the legal definition and what exactly the terms were... my attorney said I could not say anything about any of my experience, ever, without losing my financial settlement.  

I did not sign it.  We are still negotiating over a year later, more mediation next month.  My legal team is expecting a  gag order request (and with all the things he's done, no wonder!).  They are very experienced in divorce and family cases, I'm hopeful I can come out halfway in tact financially or at least as good as I can without any NDA, non disparaging or gag clause.

I'm sorry you are facing this part, it's a terrible layer to an already horrific experience.  

It's a terrible situation that we each have to face and walk through alone in most ways, no way around it.  It's been a little comfort the last few years for me to check the forum and know I'm not the only one living in such a circumstance, to read your stories and mourn with you the lives and spouses we thought we had.  

As usual, I wish we could meet for a cup of coffee.  Happy to message if you want more specifics.  And I agree with Elle's sentiment above!

Godspeed...

I would not sign anything with an NDA provision.  Your soon to be ex lost the right to confidentiality about sexual orientation by dragging you into the closet.  

An NDA that prevents you from speaking with friends, family, and others about your experience is unethical and psychologically unhealthy and damaging to you.  And you don't want to be living on pins and needles for the rest of your life worrying about tripping over the nondisclosure provisions in an NDA.  They controlled our lives enough, and they don't get to control our lives post-divorce.  No way.

 

Its like they are gods  and think they can control what we can and can't say.   They forfeited all righr and privileges to thay..would not sign.