I m getting on in life now - my observation is that sexuality is hugely important and only gets more so with time, the same with love - you are at an age where your wife's biological clock is ticking loudly.  But she has been honest that her romantic feelings ignited with a woman not you.   

Where are you in all this?  You matter.  What do you want in life?  

Happiness matters too doesn't it?

 

So you would be comfortable is she became "just friends" again with the girlfriend.    I think a stable and loving marriage includes not having anxiety or worrying who your wife is attracted to.    Many of us were marriied for decades and then suddenly were not enough for our spouses.      We should be enough...we should be more than enough.

My wife had set boundaries with the woman she had affair with (blocked everywhere on social media, no communication.), and has promised that she will stay in the monogamous. Besides, she claimed that she is actually bi- and we still have sex life like before after she came back (not very frequent but ok). I deeply love my wife whatever sexuality she is having. Right now we just rebound and are experiencing a honeymoon period since she is guilt to what she has done and the hurt brought to me and our family (we have dogs as our kids). I think the affair between my wife and the girl is just a rebound relationship as the flaws between us was mitigated when they have conflicts. I was wondering if this period of sweet time is temporary and everything will become worse and worse? 

Childbirth is a door to a new phase in life. For the closeted spouse, it can also be a good excuse for infrequent intimacy. A way to avoid doing anything as a couple. For some, it also signals the slipping sands of time and increases the internal desire to experience "other things". Children can bring connection but also inadvertently act like a chain, keeping someone in an unhealthy relationship because they (understandably) do not want to be away from their kids, even in a shared custody agreement.

Honeymoons can be great and make you feel everything will be alright. Personally, I think I'd hold off a bit until reality sets in. None of us know the future. Keep your senses tuned for any signs of hesitation, or hiding in how you interact together.

Possibly not the answer you want. Much of society tries to convince us that love conquers all, I believe the truth is that marriages require hard work by both partners.
 

Last edited by Daryl (January 21, 2024 8:49 pm)

"..My wife had set boundaries with the woman she had affair with (blocked everywhere on social media, no communication.), and has promised that she will stay in the monogamous..."

But wasnt that the basic tenet of marriage?    What proofs can she provide that she will keep her promises this time?     We love them but they hurt us...   I used to think my strong fierce love could keep the marriage together....till  it couldnt..  it did not matter how much I loved her or what I did.   (apprarently the gay sex was so great that it trumped decades of friendship, kids etc.).   Somehow the years I was enjoying being married were simply years of resentment building up in her.         I realize I'm biased but I  worrry you'll be here years later watching the kids  and wondering if shes out shopping with a friend or having sex.   You should never have to wonder or suspect or snoop.   A healthy marriage is complete, absolute  trust in ones spouse and I just don't see how yours can have that now. 

Wishing you strength and self compassion..