OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 of 1- M-Kate
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Acceptance?
My bisexual husband and I just returned from a short trip together. We've always enjoyed traveling. This time I couldn't help but wonder whether he was "checking out" attractive men at the airport and when we were out and about. He probably was and has always done so, but I just wasn't aware before. Something else to come to terms with. It feels so strange.
- LonelyDude
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Re: Acceptance?
Kate,
The struggle is real. I have watched my wife's eyes appreciate women in a way that they have never done for me, or any other man that I am aware of. She checks them out the exact same way I do. It's kinda funny to me, in a way. I always wished we had found a way to have some fun with this similarity in our tastes.
You might be feeling that his attraction to other people detracts from his attraction to you, and that is a fair and valid feeling. You are becoming hyper-aware of his gazing and commentary (as I also became) and just now noticing things that were probably there all along. But that doesn't mean that you are any less beautiful or loveable than you would be if his eyes were focused only on you.
You'll never be able to control his attractions, but you can choose how they affect you. If you choose to stay in the relationship, I hope you can find a place somewhere between "tolerance" and "enjoyment". After all, you seem to have a common interest--maybe you can even have some fun with it (watching Mr. Universe together?).
If you don't see a path where you can accept this as a normal, even enjoyable, part of your marriage, then it's hard for me to see how you can be in a different emotional place than you are today. It's a weird place to be in, and I'm still there myself. I haven't yet found the guidebook to tell us what the right answer is.
- Rob
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Re: Acceptance?
To me it hit me like that movie "the sixth sense". My whole time with her ..those were not shopping trips and playmates with other moms...but dates.
I thank God everyday for saving me from the debilitating trauma of loving someone with your whole heart who hurts you without concern or remourse.
Wishing everyone happy holidays full of peace, strength and stoicism.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- M-Kate
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Re: Acceptance?
We've been married for 29 years and now I know that there is so much about him that I wasn't aware of. I wonder what else will be revealed. I don't think that he has been totally forthcoming about the extent of his infidelity and I don't think that I'll ever totally trust him again. I just want to live my life, make the best of my relationship with him and live my life with my eyes open.
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