Shh0406 wrote:

I found out my boyfriend was bisexual 6 months ago and it was traumatizing to the core. All the behaviors that were "off" or unexplained that i asked about and wanted him to explain but was just shoved to the side or made me to believe i was nuts. All the times i asked him if he was and he lied. I questioned him because of the odd behaviors he had with a coworker. The way he eye ball fucked every man in public especially when we were on vacation as a family.  The bdsm that he incorporated into our sex life to satisfy his urges for wanting a man. When i found grindr on his phone i knew he wasn't straight but he still denied it. I found only fans with men's paid subscriptions and pictures he sent to men and receivedfrom men. We used to have a great sex life. Now i don't trust him. Im scared hell give me a disease,  I'm scared he'll leave me for another man. I'm scared ill be made a full of etc.  because even though he still denies cheating with all this evidence, i don't believe him. I don't believe he's not sneaking behind my back on his lunch break on grindr. I don't believe he even wants to have sex with me after the things I've found and i don't know how to fix it as it doesn't seem to bother him. We haven't had sex for a while now. We've tried 3 different therapist but the last one basically wanted to transition us out of relationship because i believed he cheated and he denied any and all cheating and still does. So our relationship is at a stand still and the therapist basically said we can't move on unless i accept that he didn't cheat or until he admits it and we work on it. To say the least, the bisexual aspect and the cheating has affected everything. There's more little things that have happened as I've mentioned that hes into bdsm. Well he would come home with bruises on his arms, almost like thumb prints  around his lower arms and upper arm. Last month (June of 2023) his upper arm had what looked like a hand mark bruise around it.  He tried to hide it, but i saw.
When i asked him why he didn't mention the big ass bruise he supp got from kickball,  he said because you would automatically think it was from bdsm with someone else. He's had bruises on his knees and marks on his shins etc. Those were unexplained as well or supposed to be from working out or kickball,  but again i don't buy it. So not only has the bisexual part been traumatic but mostly the cheating.  I feel like it would be so different if he would have let me choose from the beginning if i would have stayed and been more open about his desires and the things he needed from me and maybe it wouldn't have led to all this.

 

Sounds to me like your intuition about your bf kicked in awhile ago....but you keep wanting not to believe what it means. He sounds a bit selfish. If you're still having sex with him you should stop, get tested for STIs, then sort out the r'ship you have with your obviously bisexual bf

Elle
 

I'm not in the exact situation, but all of us had struggled with unexplained evidence, wondering if we're crazy, wondering if anyone would believe us, wondering how we can make it right again.  

Do you have children together?  

So boo to your therapist:  "the therapist basically said we can't move on unless i accept that he didn't cheat or until he admits it and we work on it. "

The therapist is putting the burden on you to move critical boundaries that you established in any romantic relationship:  straight sexual orientation and monogamy.  These are reasonable expectations, and you don't have to accept a non-straight boyfriend or a cheating boyfriend.  Or a liar, as you mentioned in your post of a few moments ago.

My advice?  Get the heck out of this relationship.  He's never going to be the partner you need, and you can't turn him into something that he's not.  Good luck.

Butterfly49,
Thanks for sympathizing with me regarding my feelings. How did u find out he was messing around with men? I still haven't caught mine but i have many clues to believe the opposite. I believe they believe their own lies to and convince their selves that this is not cheating because its with a man. Your right if he's bi the desire will always be there. I read somewhere that 50% of bisexual men are non monogamous that's alot if you ask me considering the study was done on individuals who told the truth.

Thank you