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1 of 1- midcentury
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Partner Refuses Testing
My partner is a closeted transgender person. They came out to me pretty soon in the relationship (4 months in) then later when I expressed openly that wasn't for me they declined it ever being a thing, and denied ever browsing content related to it. It's odd because they still get upset when I bring it up as a concern so I stopped altogether.
Yesterday, they brought up me not being intimate with them in any way. This was after they told me explicitly they refused to take an STD/STI test and claiming I was the only they ever slept with. I have some doubts on this, but I have no proof and my partner's been having a few people over at odd hours and also talked about having a roommate with some guy. I didn't say it outright but to protect myself I refuse to have sex with them ever again until they have a test. Thankfully it's an LDR so I don't have to do much to push them off me.
Not really sure how to not yell at them "I don't want to sleep with you because you're in the closet and already admitted to transfeelings and you've possibly been sleeping with other people!" but I sure wish I could without being referred to as crazy or abusive. It got so bad I don't engage or fight with them at all anymore, but they'll so sad that I don't do that anymore too. But I'm exhausted. It's easier just to let things collect dust.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Partner Refuses Testing
midcentury wrote:
Not really sure how to not yell at them "I don't want to sleep with you because you're in the closet and already admitted to transfeelings and you've possibly been sleeping with other people!" but I sure wish I could without being referred to as crazy or abusive. It got so bad I don't engage or fight with them at all anymore, but they'll so sad that I don't do that anymore too. But I'm exhausted. It's easier just to let things collect dust.
If you let too much dust collect you will get lost in it. Not your partner. You. You'll become his cover, his beard. Stand up for yourself (which you so obviously are), stay determined and in the end his true self will show. The distance of your r'ship is.....helpful 
Have you been tested for STIs?...because you're all that matters. The fact he doesn't want to get tested is simply another cross on his report card
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Blue Bear
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Re: Partner Refuses Testing
You know the expression "trust, but verify"? Your'e allowed to do that. And if you can't get verification, it's time to move on. You are entitled to reasonable boundaries like this (especially, given the circumstances) that protect your personal safety and mental health.