Blue Bear wrote:

Bella32658 wrote:

My spouse tells me while he's not physically attracted to me now, he was 20 yrs ago. I find it hard to believe now. But maybe it's just the pain. What do you think? Do you think your onspouse found you physically attractive?

The answer to this question is irrelevant, and setting that aside, trying to unravel the illogical pretzel that is their brains is a pointless task.  The simple fact is that you deserve someone who finds you physically, mentally, spiritually, romantically, sexually, and personally attractive.  And that's not what you've got, and that's all that's relevant.  You deserve so much better.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

That's the question that haunts me.  My Ex-to-be is still very repressed, I had to discover he'd been sexting men, he has never said it out loud and if I suggest he's somewhere on the Queer spectrum he gets irate in his denials.  One of the conversations we had after my discovery he said he knows I won't believe him but that he still thinks I'm "the most beautiful..."  That's it, he couldn't finish his sentence.  Not because he was upset but because he couldn't think of the right word.  That just left me wondering what that even means, most beautiful woman, wife, human, mom?  I guess I'll never know.  From what I can tell from the outside looking in, I don't think he really knows either.  I think he has spent so long trying not to be what he is that he doesn't know how to be authentic at all anymore.  I've had to accept that there are questions I will never get answers to and there's nothing I can do about that.  
The only thing that helped a little may not be the healthiest thing but it did make me feel better about myself.  When I updated my social media accounts and put a selfie back on my profile and removed my relationship status, this was apparently the signal for all my old flames to come out of the woodwork.  The same day two blasts from the past messaged me, I told them both I was no where near ready to date and they both get it, they've both been divorced a couple years now.  But they still wanted to catch up and reminisce.  They both told me all the things they had liked about me and how they still think of me nearly 20 years later.  And they both think I am a "MILF".  That made me laugh because I think of myself as somewhat frumpy these days.  But it felt really good to be reminded that no matter what my husband thinks or thought of me, there's others out there who are attracted to me and recognize my value.