Mayb,

So sorry.  You're doing fairly well navigating with a selfish soon to be ex.

I asked my GX why she couldn't be kind..and she said she didn't want to.  Basically as soon as I started making decisions for myself she was furious..all control of the marriage, money, the universe etc was supposed to be hers..


My best advice for separating from a raging and mean narcisstic spouse is to observe but don't absorb. Since they cannot be kind  there is no point talking to them as you know what you will get..more lies, selfishness, and hurt.   They are really rants of a dellusional person.  My GX really thought if she screamed loud enough and became angry enough that would make whatever she was screaming true.  But it does not.

It takes a lot stoicism and faith..in God and in knowing that there is an end to the alternate moral reality that they created..

You have to start seeing it a a purely business arrangement working on the family as a project. There are two main types of transgender women. Type A are the psychological phenotype gender dysphoria type. The standard version of transgender person who is literally the wrong brain for the body. They normally experience this most of their lives until they come to transition fully or, to an acceptable degree fairly early in adult life. This is usually met with a sense of relief, as their bodies now meet and marry up with their psychological selves. They often behave or are already presenting more towards their opposite gender. It will be incredibly rare for these people to enter into heterosexual relationships through marriage and then being able to raise families without some form of disclosure to their partners about how they feel inside.

The other more common type b are the Autogynephiles  whose motivation is largely sexual and emotional. They are frequently heterosexual men, whose attraction to femininity has gone out to become realised in their female partners. Then it seems that the ideation of themselves as female, leads to internalised desire of the idea of being female themselves. They are driven by a strong sexual need to become a woman and will chase that identity through increasing the level of feminine ideation. Each new experience and change provides a drive to go further until they either reach their own plateau or continue on to full transition. Their need for a female body of their own is different but still very real to them. The female persona becomes increasingly stronger against its masculine host until it wins out as dominant and alone. For many female partners this is like invasion of the body snatchers, as the man they once knew becomes someone else entirely. The new female personality is like all people and can be perfectly reasonable and understanding, but frequently becomes very demanding and selfish. Demanding recognition and affirmations for the created female self. They are in love with the female self and will shower her with gifts and attention wherever possible. Often simply not understanding why no one else loves them or sees them the way they do. This also tends to take place later in life, usually around middle age and frequently when the host man’s job has been completed. This can be the fathering of children and the marriage to a woman. It snowballs, with varying degrees of speed. But, it does not stop and reverse. But, we are here to talk about you. To recognise you as the female partner and your struggles. In this day and age, there is almost an acceptance that we should support and protect transgender people. We must never lose sight of the people who are left behind when this happens to a wife or partner who was, or is in relationship to an Autogynephile. You are and will be the same person after all of this has run its course. It is entirely up to you how much you can take and how far along you go in their journey. It does not have to be your journey, you did not sign up for this.

They often rewrite history to suggest that they have always been this way and thus identifying as a type A. This is to assuage any guilt that they may have about what they are doing, and will also garner more sympathy for their plight. The tragic thing here is, that it leaves the female spouse asking herself "how did I not know?" This is a false narrative. You could not know because your husband was, and is a heterosexual man. He may have experienced the female ideation paraphilia for some time. Likely accepting this as a fetish or kink. It is only later on that it starts to grow stronger and stronger. The more times they experience the thrill of the idea, the further it is pushed.

Last edited by Ordinary guy (July 14, 2023 10:52 am)