OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- Anon 765
- Member
Offline
Re: Husband on Hook Up Sites
Hi Butterfly49,
I'm sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation.
Nothing that he did or does has any bearing on you as a person. You didn't deserve this.
I echo the recommendation to get tested for STDs as soon as possible, and the other good suggestions about confiding in at least one friend, and seeking legal advice.
Wishing you the best in very difficult times. You will get through this.
Anon 765
- Butterfly49
- Member
Offline
Re: Husband on Hook Up Sites
Thank you x. My 'husband' is currently at a football match with my 2 gorgeous boys - who I now have to protect from this mess. I feel physically sick to think I have been having unprotected sex with him and god knows what he has been doing! Were you in a similar situation?
- •
Thread Starter- Anon 765
- Member
Offline
Re: Husband on Hook Up Sites
Butterfly49 wrote:
T\Were you in a similar situation?
Pretty similar! When I told my doctor about it, she immediately suggested getting tested for STI's.
It's a lot to wrap your mind around. It's hard to know what to do about telling the kids, and I think it's very much age-dependent. Perhaps you could tell them something like "Mom and Dad are working out some problems, but it has nothing to do with you, and we both love you very much". Kids know that something's going on, and they tend to think it's all their fault.
You'll get through this. One day at a time.
Anon 765
- RoseColoredGlasses
- Member
Offline
Re: Husband on Hook Up Sites
Butterfly49, I feel your pain: have been working my way through a similar situation for years now. The best advice that I got here was: stay in your own reality. Every time I try to talk to my (coach, great job, “good guy”) husband about any of this, it is a miserable experience akin to getting dumped overboard on a swamp tour: which end is up and how do I get out? He cannot tell the truth and somehow it has to be all my fault - for questioning, or minding, or existing. Stick to your values: truth, honesty, kindness. And I’d say, unless you really think you can handle living that sticky swamp, work your way out. Living someone else’s lies is a pretty crummy existence. You can build a better one. It may take some time - I’m still slugging through - but at least I’m not afraid that I’m going to wake up to stds, more stalker boyfriend pics, or my (working on ex-) husband asleep on the floor because he had too much to drink, again, because he can’t really handle it all either. Be strong. My heart goes out to you. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but it’s hard to see when you are at the beginning of discovery. It sounds like you have the resources to get out, which is great. Build a healthier life, and if he can’t go there, I think you’ll have to do it on your own. Ouch, I know.