Yes, if nothing else, after all this I can say what I sure don't want in my life!

And no man is ever going to control me like my gay-ex did, ever again.

I have no desire to rush, be pushed, do anything I don't want, and while it's nice to have someone to talk to, I also don't need to have someone in my life right now either. My pace is that of a snail. And I'm focusing on enjoying my life as it is (and trying to decrease my stress level!)

Anon2222 wrote:

I had started talking to him again because I wanted to work out the terms of the divorce settlement....but I got way too dragged into a toxic situation. 

Oh yeah, a touchy subject for him.

Then this happens....

During the divorce process....has anyone not done the disclosure, legal separation and all that other crap? I have talked to a lawyer and of course he's pushing for a million things. But I don't care. I don't want to know his financial history. I don't want to know anything about his life. And I don't want him to know anything about mine. I just want to base it on what our situation was during the marriage, sign the papers, and move on.

Is this possible? The lawyer makes it sound like you can't do this. That you can't just put out your terms, both sign it, and move on?

He knows which buttons to push, Anon.

A good lawyer will look out for you. I went to one who told me there would be a 50/50 split despite his horrible abuse, arrest  and my loads of proof on financial squandering of joint (my earnings) assets. This one was not it. I interviewed a few more and selected one who was fair.

Your stbx played you about his sudden gay orientation. He's playing you about the financial settlement.

Edited to add: Tell an attorney that you paid off his debts and give a rough idea of your big ticket joint assets like cars, stocks, bank accounts, pensions, real estate. That's the important stuff to discuss with the attorney to get your rightful share. A good attorney should give you the smart next steps to take.

I remember discussing if I wanted the furniture, computers, jewelry, gifts, etc. I passed on it because it was a waste of time to discuss. I didn't care. I cared only about the big ticket items. I get the impression you're the same way.

Last edited by MJM017 (May 23, 2023 9:04 pm)

Hi Elle!

I have been reading your posts and keeping up with your journey, I'm so glad for you!

As for me, still having the ups and downs but keeping on. We have ironed out most of the divorce terms it seems, now just have to do the paperwork. Still overwhelmed by the process.

I find I have moments where I feel numb and dissociated now. I think this is my bordering on acceptance point. I went through denial, a hell of a lot of anger, and a deep depression. I'm now starting to look at what life is now and think a bit about the future.

I made a lot of mistakes and rash decisions in the past year. I lost a lot of people who I thought were a part of my life. I lashed out. I bounced from being so low I couldn't get off the floor to having days where I could smile. More than anything I feel like I just have this deep exhaustion. Like every cell in my body has run a million marathons.