My first thought is to talk to your lawyer.  

In the land of divorce I think it is good to stay as amicable as possible while dealing with each other by written communication.  It is already agreed she is moving out, isn't it?

Where I am you have to be living separately for a year to complete the divorce but you can complete the separation agreement straightaway and that is the hurdle that is facing you now.  It's the hardest part.

I have a friend who told me that divorce court is full of fighting couples going broke and at the end of the day the judge is only going to award the same percentage split of what is left as he would have at the beginning.  I would remind my ex of that every so often.

I conceded the house to my ex, and I was already living in the studio at the end of the garden - staying there, but for no more than six months, was part of our separation agreement. 

 

I recall our home being so toxic we couldn't wait get away from each other... she was constantly screaming at me to leave as a solution to HER problem. 

You did not create her housing problem no more than you made her gay. Run it by your lawyer.  It will get expensive...but your goal is to get away from her. What part of the word divorced doesn't she understand.  She uprooted the kids..she caused your this.

Run it by your lawyer for a solution that you want. 

PS.  Make sure your always home with friends and family visiting often as a demo of what she has to look forward to ..

My advice is to get the hell out of a toxic roommate situation with your lawyer's guidance.  You might also want to have a date within the next year, and your ex-wife will likely not take well to that (nor will your prospective date).  Get the heck out of there so you can reclaim your mental headspace.  As a fellow straight spouse advises:  "The first and most necessary step of healing a wound is to remove the blade that caused it."

Blue Bear wrote:

...... "The first and most necessary step of healing a wound is to remove the blade that caused it...."

... This belongs in the straightspouse toolbox...

Elle
 

SameDeepWaterAsPhil wrote:

......her response was to chastise me for getting my own lawyer & complicating things, as well as to assert that she will not come out to our teens when we inform them of the divorce. I'll have to tell them, she said, because she won't. 

LOL....complicating things for her maybe!
.A. said he thought that he and I would have discussed the separation before I told our son & daughter, but that was because he would have preferred to be in control of the telling, the doing... I'm glad I didn't keep it to myself. 

The telling of this to your children should be done by the parent who didn't change the dynamics of the family. You may get some hard questions but you'll answer them honestly right? Course you will

Elle