My first thought is to talk to your lawyer.  

In the land of divorce I think it is good to stay as amicable as possible while dealing with each other by written communication.  It is already agreed she is moving out, isn't it?

Where I am you have to be living separately for a year to complete the divorce but you can complete the separation agreement straightaway and that is the hurdle that is facing you now.  It's the hardest part.

I have a friend who told me that divorce court is full of fighting couples going broke and at the end of the day the judge is only going to award the same percentage split of what is left as he would have at the beginning.  I would remind my ex of that every so often.

I conceded the house to my ex, and I was already living in the studio at the end of the garden - staying there, but for no more than six months, was part of our separation agreement. 

 

I third running it by your lawyer.  Don't tell her yes, no or maybe while you're waiting for your attorney to answer.  Not sure is good to keep the peace until you know the best legal answer for yourself.

People, even narcissistic-like STBX's, have the right to ask. You have the right not to agree.

Thanks so much to everyone who's responded so far. I really appreciate the perspectives & the suggestions. I am definitely running it by my lawyer, & I'm inclined to hold my ground on the infeasibility of such an arrangement as my wife has proposed. I've also been advised by my pastor, who has walked through this entire mess with me since November, when she first told me she wanted to divorce. I guess it will be up to the attorneys about how to proceed, but I can't see any other route. She wants her new life, & I deserve one of my own as well. Thanks again!

Phil - way to go to hold on to what YOU need to heal!  I choose to cohabitate with my GID Husband but on my terms. He also travels 60% of the year so I have good breaks lol. My scenario is very different as we have been living in separate spaces and it's the norm for my children to know Dad sleeps in a separate space (basement). 

Thanks once more for the advice & perspectives, all. I've held my ground, but her response was to chastise me for getting my own lawyer & complicating things, as well as to assert that she will not come out to our teens when we inform them of the divorce. I'll have to tell them, she said, because she won't. It's a bad situation, about to get worse. But, I guess we're selling the house, as she "doesn't want to live with me" now apparently. I guess I wasn't acquiescent enough. Her inability to own these decisions is remarkable.

Last edited by SameDeepWaterAsPhil (May 6, 2023 11:01 pm)