Hey everyone. I (f,44)am new in "the club". Just little over a month ago my partner of 13 years, my perfect man, best friend and love of my life came out as bi and said he started an affair with a man two weeks prior. I have been lurking in this forum and your stories helped me. I might write the whole story on this forum one day, but today I'd just like to share some things I feel as positive thoughts and feelings.
1. As much as I love this man, and I love him so much that until recently I was sure that there was no love like ours  (and I see now that most of you think of your relationships the same way), I KNOW that I can't share my life with someone who isn't with me 100%. Similar thought is- how can I want to be with someone if they don't wanna be with me. These feelings help me a little bit to detach.
2. Even though it's been only a month, I am already finding things out about my self that got lost in the relationship. It's not his fault that i forgot about myself, I think it's just a thing that happens to all of us when we start identifying as a part of the couple.
3. I don't know how I even realised this as I am extremely emotional person, but I understand how programmed my brain and my body are to identify as a part of the couple, and not as a whole person, with individual needs, opinions, feelings, thoughts. It's like I lost an organ, and have to learn to live without it. BUT! I just know that after I get through this i will be even more whole, will know myself much better, be stronger, and my relationships will be more honest and true (friendships, romantic, whatever).
4. I really honestly don't care if I will ever be in a relationship again. I want a great one with myself and with my life. I am not closed for the possibility, but that is the last thing I care about right now.
5. Spring is here!
6. I live my life as a weak, insecure person, but when sh%t happens, I am always crazy strong. This is the most important thing for me now, to et this strength out every day, as much as I can.
7. I know it will take a while with lots of ups and downs, but I know I can't live as a sad, depressed person for the rest of my life. Just don't want to. I am absolutely sure I will be fulfilled again.
8. Physical distance helps. I moved out 3 weeks after the "boom", though I stayed in the same building. Honestly, my financial situation is not great, but right now I don't worry and feel peace and trust that new doors will open up for me.

That's it for now, might update at later point. Hope you all love yourselves most. As much as we think that we can't survive without our SO, i see now that no relationship can be healthy  if we think that our happiness and existence depends on the other person. 
Love to all. Go have a great day!

Just adding few more things:
9. Don't forget that you are so much more than your emotions. Take time every day  to exist in that "other dimension" here you are whole and happy, and where your SO doesn't exist.
10. It took me a month to get angry, because, you now "he can't help it, it's his nature". I do love this man and I am happy that he will be living his true self, I really do wish him the best. I also have no doubt that he loved me. Nontheless, it's ok to feel and say FU.

Last edited by ellierigg (April 22, 2023 6:35 am)