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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
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  •  » My wife came out to be lesbian and cheated, we have a new born baby

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    April 16, 2023 8:56 am  #1

    mrhorse
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    My wife came out to be lesbian and cheated, we have a new born baby

    Can anyone give me some advice and suggestion please?
    My wife is 28 years old. She got pregnant while we were dating and after delivery of baby in June 2022, we got married in Aug 2022. I knew she was lesbian before we met, but she said she had changed. I thought she was just playful during her teen and thus I accepted that and we dated for 4 years
    What is more complicated is she has mental illness. It is called bipolar disorder. She had multiple exacerbation during the 4 years of dating, but those are just mild and subsided after taking medications for one week. She did not continue the medications soon after she was pregnant since she was scared the drugs may harm the baby. Shortly after marriage, she already flirted multiple girls. At that time I thought she was just having postnatal depression thus want to chat with someone. I have expressed my concern and had warned her if infidelity happen that can ruin our marriage.  
    Last month, I was out of town for one week. She had exacerbation of her bipolar disorder hence manic episode. She met a girl online and had affair with her. She even brought her partner to my home when I was out of town. She did not disguise her action and told her several friends that she was having affair !! She had no insight what's had happened and that is a typical symptoms of manic episode. After I returned home I found out that and I sent her to the hospital and now still currently hospitalized. After one month of treatment, now she regained some insight and able to communicate with me, saying she regretted what she had done and saying want to keep the family
    My situation is too complicated. She had affair. She had manic episode. We have a new born baby. I am torn apart. Some said I should forgive her as she was just affected by mental illness, and we have a baby. Some said I should leave since mental illness isn't an excuse and her orientation cannot be changed. 
    Can someone give me some idea and suggestions? I look at my baby girl and feel deeply sorry for her

     

    April 16, 2023 5:51 pm  #2

    lily
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    Re: My wife came out to be lesbian and cheated, we have a new born baby

    yes, I am confident the people saying her orientation can't be changed are correct.  Bipolar seems to be common amongst gay/lesbian people who also date the opposite sex.

    You have a baby but not a wife.  My suggestion is to talk with your family and see what practical options are possible.  

    and go easy on yourself, this is all very painful and none of it is your fault.

     

    June 24, 2023 1:31 pm  #3

    Homeisintheheart
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    Re: My wife came out to be lesbian and cheated, we have a new born baby

    I agree that none of this is your fault. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. Your wife needs to take care of herself or find people who can help her take care of herself. 

    I am sorry you are going through this. It is such a painful process, but you can get through it.

     

     

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