Thank you, I appreciate what you said here, currently I’m just reading about our own sexuality and unfortunately I don’t have my own identity sexually so idk how I would be if it were left up to me, does that make sense?
Yes, I’ve thought about sex but most of what I’ve actually thought about sex came from what I felt after being abused and then what my mother said and then anyone i eventually ever had sex with, were “in charge “. I have no idea of whether I like or don’t like something based on my own thoughts and original feelings. I have too much jealousy and insecurities to look at pornography in any unbiased manner and anything that gets mentioned usually gets thrown out based on the disgust response. Actually it’s a very informative read for me. Sitting down with myself has been rather educational and it occurs to me that I have been exactly the same as I was 28 years ago when I met him. Blow job!!? No, way gross! Anal!!? Ew! I’m actually literally confused about anal I did enjoy some and then it hurt and I got stressed and freaked out and now I don’t have a clue what I’m really feeling about it, so yeah we only do him. What I’m saying is, I May truthfully have enjoyment out of these acts with my husband because I enjoy sex and love him. I guess the jury is still out and I have a lot of work to do on the matter. The scariest thing at this point is finding out I don’t have control always over my own Agency. I’m not stable minded, or flexible when confronted with conflict and change and furthermore I believe I should be secure and not have the self esteem of a 13 year old riddled with acne, so I’m not sure where I start for those things. My life’s work I suppose has been trying to manage my mental health and to find out you’re married to someone who is just doing the same I guess if nothing else has been accomplished today it’s realizing none of what he enjoys sexually has anything to do with me, he is attracted to me and wants to do life with me! So. Thanks again

Heart-

What you've endured... I'm so sorry. I don't know if you can receive this right now. It's so hard when you're in the middle of so much pain and abuse. I hope you can.

YOU matter. You are important. How you feel, what you want, what you need, what your hopes and dreams for your relationship were and are, who you are- YOU matter. You deserve better.

Whatever ideas you've been fed about being a Christian wife are likely false, mysogynistic and abusive. Whenever I see the words "Christian wife/husband/man/woman" or anything similar, it's usually accompanied by some form of spiritual control and abuse. 

I'm not saying that your husband doesn't matter. I'm telling you that YOU do. You don't sound like you believe that. I know I didn't for a long time. I stayed for 2 years. My LW had been the priority for so long, long before she came out, that I was barely even able to articulate my own desires anymore because they were so unimportant. A fact she criticized me for and used it as "evidence" for my need for therapy... yeah no shit, I needed therapy. I'd given up every preference and choice I'd had in service of her. I was a mess. My therapist worked through some childhood stuff with me, but for 18 months has focused on getting me through the next week, processing the abuse I'd endured the previous week, and trying to get me to see that I matter.

Example- my therapist asked me to visualize what it would be like to be with someone who not only loved me, but was eager, excited and happy to hear about and fulfill my needs in a relationship. To visualize a woman prioritizing making me happy. I sat there for a solid 5 minutes, eyes closed. I opened them and said I have no idea what that would be like. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be important enough to matter like that. 

One last thing. Others have suggested you taking some time to yourself to focus on yourself. That's a great idea. Its effectiveness can also be limited because you'll know you're going right back into the same situation. I can tell you that for myself, when I moved out (tomorrow makes 2 weeks), the effect was nearly instant. The stress and anxiety mostly left. The DEEP loneliness I'd experienced for so many years wasn't there. I've been more physically alone than I've ever been the past 2 weeks and I am far less lonely. I'm still lonely to an extend- I have needs for companionship, friendship, love, affection, etc. that aren't being met and have been chronically unmet for decades. But a sense of happiness, contentment, peace and freedom has replaced the loneliness. I was nearly giddy last night walking through a store realizing I didn't need to worry about an angry call or text wondering why I wasn't home yet or telling me she was overwhelmed and needed my help. I don't know if you can relate to any of that, but if you can, try to take it on faith that it will get better if you take care of yourself. Remember- YOU matter.

OOHC - Thank you for sharing such an honest post. Not many people have that courage and by posting you are helping people feel less alone and vulnerable. Huge respect.

OOHC, I could also have written yours verbatim. Your honesty and willingness to be so open are indeed appreciated.
I can't add much here as mine will not be transitioning (medical and age issues forbid it). I really don't care if we ever have intercourse again because it was never good anyway. So for me it's just dealing with giving him what he needs a couple times a month and taking care of myself unless I feel like I want to let him (as her) take care of me, which is Very seldom. 
Maybe the fact that we are older makes my answer different. If I were younger I'd have been out of here years ago.
Wish the OP would at least check back in.