Hi,
I walked in on my husband of 7 years yesterday sitting in front of his desk with one computer facing down towards his naked crotch with a live video going, and the other monitor broadcasting a Trans female cam model. I was previously unfamiliar with this type of platform that allows mutual broadcasting of sex acts in a live and participator chat + video mutual masturbation experience.

He has never expressed any interest in men of trans women before, or porn at all. I am open to porn, but to me this "live sex" experience crossed a line. I also learned that he has spent more than 500$ (this year alone) sending "tips" to these strangers (he is usually very frugal and complained about spending 150$ on a nice dinner once a year for our anniversary). This means he has spent thousands of dollars on these "women" over the course of our marriage. 

My main concern is 1) is he homosexual or wanting to transition? He said he never watches "gay porn" but he admitted that the reason why he likes trans porn is that it is when the person has a penis, it is easier to see how the person is visibly turned in response to watching him. Being turned on by seeing a hard penis, seems to be, like a trait of a gay man or a straight woman, is it not? He also admittedtted that he has been watching trans porn for over 10 years, since he was in grad school, which brings us to around 2013. Was trans porn even available back then? I'm sorry to sound naive, but it seems to me that one would have had to actively search out that kind of material back then, where as now it is accessible on regular "straight" porn sites. 

In case it helps with understanding my husband and his challenges -- in terms of his intimacy with me, it never has involved masturbation. He refuses to do it in front of me, he doesn't like head or blow jobs, our sex feels very transactional, not looking at one another, traditional positions, etc... He said he visits these sites 6-8 times a month, for the past 14 years, this is far more times than we ever had sex. In the last two years, we might have had sex once every 4-5 months, despite me being attractive and available and initiating sex often. He would often says he's too tired or not in the mood. It is clear to me that he never tried to cultivate any sexual intimacy or eroticism with me because he was fulfilled from the screen and therefore my sex life has suffered. 

I loved this man, I have a family with him, and I'm pregnant with twins, so I don't have time to wait around for answers. How can I get to the bottom of this? Is there any hope for our marriage?