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- MJM017
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Re: Disillusioned
Rob wrote:
.....I wasn't going to let him determine the outcome of my life. I wasn't going to allow him and his character flaws to prevail. I wasn't going to let him and his betrayal be the sum total of my life.......
This....is gold 🤗
E
OOHC,
That is gold. At some point I did not want her and what she did to be my story. I/we are so much more than what happened to us.
OOHC,
Yes. Words to get your life back by.
Anon,
My late GIDXH had almost all of the traits of an anti-social personality disorder. He assaulted me, stopped working, didn't pay bills, isolated me. It was coercive control. I was afraid of him.
It took me a few years to deal with grief and anger to return to some semblance of normalcy. I'm not as naive and giving. It gave me a lot of power to be discerning with new people. Setting boundaries is really hard work when you have PTSD, but I am doing it.
You really don't know what's beneath the brave new life of your stbx. My late GIDXH bought expensive season tickets of a sports team after he left our home for good. He died in a scuzzy motel in a sleazy part of town. Those in the closet sometimes get arrested, robbed or die in smarmy situations despite economic status. My ex liked flirting with danger.
Anon, maybe taking a vacation now is not possible but you never know about the future. Things do change for the better. Take care.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- HereInMpls2717
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Re: Disillusioned
Anon,
When I was at my very lowest, literally intending to end it right then, I texted my LW a number of times. She knew I was suicidal. Her only response was to tell me not to post on social media. She says she was protecting herself. I guess that was what was most important.
I don't know what to tell you. I'm hopefully moving out in 1-1/2 weeks. I feel sick about the idea of trusting a human being ever again. I can't connect with my faith right now. I'm just holding out until I feel like I can breathe again. Weight training helps me still feel alive for some reason. Once I move I'm going to start making artwork again and hopefully that'll help me process things.
I'm only commenting to tell you that I know many here care about you. I wish there was more I could offer.
Last edited by HereInMpls2717 (February 20, 2023 6:42 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Disillusioned
I'm not sure how I feel right now. He's living "our" dream life apparently. I got all the pain and none of the reward I guess.
What! No reward?
You rid yourself of a fake husband. You get to start again. Yip we know... it's unfair, wrong, stressful. But if he turned around tomorrow and said "come holiday with me"
would you go?
The most difficult thing was to shift my focus from somebody who cared more about his place in our r'ship' than mine. But as soon as I did shift it he stopped featuring in my every thought.
We're allowed to be bitter.....but we can't let the Mindfuck consume us
❤️
KIA KAHA
- Abby
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Re: Disillusioned
I find that flowering plants help me feel good. I try to always have something blooming, in the garden or inside my home, Ir is unseasonable warm here and the early crocuses are blooming but Saturday I was impatient and went to a greenhouse and bought a few small pots of primroses which I can set out later.
Colors make me happy. Who says that winter clothes have to be dark and dull? A pink blouse can do wonders for my soul, as do the compliments I get when I wear it.
I am glad that you are seeing a doctor. Having something out of whack makes it hard to feel good.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Anon2222
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Re: Disillusioned
So. I am not being a doormat anymore, and I can tell he really doesn't like it.
When he texted me that he had the next 2 weeks off and was off for a tropical beach vacation. My reply was "I see. We never did do that vacation. It makes sense that now that you've dumped me you would go on it." I asked him why he had told me this and what did he hope to get out of it. He said he was only letting me know in case I needed something from him while he was gone. To which, I again asked him why he would do that. He was like, what do you mean.
So, I just laid it out. He hasn't been in touch with me (other than the odd text message) for months. He has not told me anything about his life (I have absolutely no idea what he does with his time). And any time I have needed him for anything and asked for help he hasn't bothered to come. So what else was he trying to accomplish with telling me about his vacation other than to rub my face in it and make me feel like shit?
I have yet to receive a response.
At the beginning of this I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I believed him when he said he hadn't meant to hurt me and felt terrible. I believed that he wanted to make sure I was taken care of. I was prepared to make this as smooth as possible.
Now I kinda want to go for blood....I want to see him suffer. Take him for every penny I can. Then he can catch an STD and burn in hell. Which is very unlike me. I don't like this vindictive, hateful, untrusting person I have become. But I'm starting to look at this process and feel like I really don't deserve this shit and why should he just get to walk away from all his obligations and life without having to pay for it....
- •
Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Disillusioned
. .... I don't like this vindictive, hateful, untrusting person I have become.....
So don't be her 🤗 push her away and ignore her.
Be you. That dumbarse you got rid of won't expect that
E
KIA KAHA
- gwendolyn_C
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Re: Disillusioned
I know it sounds great to get the person who has caused you pain back. I struggle with my thoughts and try to make sure I am not acting out of anger. I have chosen to center my heart around getting better for myself. I don't want my husband’s actions to stop me from pursuing my best life. I want my peace back.
I have this posted on my mirror:
“Living well is the best revenge.” In other words, rather than plotting your retaliation, just go on living your life. Trust me, it works better than any retribution you can dream up.
It helped when I had a few unpleasant conversations with my GID husband this weekend. The pain is not as tender because I have accepted that he won’t change, but I have!
- Anon2222
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Re: Disillusioned
I doubt it will change anything, but it was cathartic for me if nothing else. I sent him an email. I spelt out my pain and said that at this point our being in communication with each other is just toxic and not helping either of us. I asked him to please refrain from contacting me again.
If he has a concern regarding the divorce, I told him to send me an email. Otherwise, please just leave me alone and go live the life he wants (and told me I was preventing him from). I don't want to know. I don't want to hear about it. I wish him all the best, just leave me the hell alone.
And I have to sit back and figure out how to make the pain stop. And how to put a stop to the power over me that he still has. Ironically, he is a really nice person....to everyone but me apparently. So, I said my peace and now I have to work on letting it go. I suck at letting things go...so this is going to be really hard.
- •
Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Disillusioned
a really nice person???
the one who wants to rub your nose in his vacation plans?
really really really - go for the jugular, get as much money as you can in the divorce, don't hesitate for one moment.
- MJM017
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Re: Disillusioned
These spouses are great at impression management. My late ex was and it went along with his being passive aggressive.
It's not just sexual preference that was hidden. It's the true beliefs and personality. I feel there was a void with him. I have no idea who my late ex really was emotionally.
The pain takes time, effort and money to get through. It definitely can happen. But get a clear look at the financials during the divorce. Make sure you get your fair share to pay for the rehabilitation of you.
((Hugs))
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa