OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
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* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- HereInMpls2717
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Re: Opinion Question
For the last few years I've been really interested in personality disorders and have always been interested in psychology. I found a book titled "Confessions of a Sociopath" and it's fascinating, albeit deeply disturbing. The author (M.E. Thomas, pseudonym) runs the website Sociopathworld.com. Here's a link to an interesting post on sexuality. You can spend quite some time going down this rabbit hole if you aren't careful.
A lot of the people who interact on that site are self-described sociopaths. After reading the book and some of those posts, I think it's possible that many of us aren't experiencing the fall-out we're dealing with because our spouse is lgbt, but because they're sociopaths. The lying, manipulation, apparent lack of self-concept, ability to fake something so foundational to one's identity, the lack of empathy for what we're experiencing, being so opportunistic without moral underpinnings, etc. Could be narcissism or something else instead but it has me thinking.
- Blue Bear
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Re: Opinion Question
Here's my perspective. Yes, they are born that way, and they know it from an early age. Unfortunately, some of them take their time after birth to accept their LGBT+ orientation given toxic social, religious, family, and societal attitudes toward the LGBT+ community. My ex-wife admitted that she knew she was same-sex attracted before we had even met. My wife's ex-husband (my wife is also a straight partner) knew he was gay at age 7. Not only are they born that way, I'm convinced that they know it. And I also know that I was born straight.
As for personality disorders? Totally agree. Living a fake life for years or decades and dragging a straight partner into the closet requires a personality disorder. My ex-wife just didn't give a shit about me beyond the fact that I played the most critical role in a play I didn't know she was staging. The moment she came out through a lesbian affair that she went to extraordinary efforts to keep secret, she couldn't be rid of me fast enough. Definitely some narcissism and sociopathy at work there.
- Rob
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Re: Opinion Question
".. Living a fake life for years or decades and dragging a straight partner into the closet requires a personality disorder..."
BB that was so well said..
I think that sums it up for the majority of us. It took me some time to accept but my GX definitely knew she was gay before we met...she hid it so well from even our common college friends.. I think trying to keep such a large secret that long simply exacerbates and progresses the personality disorder.. I still call it a "broken moral core".
Last edited by Rob (February 8, 2023 3:53 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Blackie563
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Re: Opinion Question
Rob wrote:
".. I think trying to keep such a large secret that long simply exacerbates and progresses the personality disorder.. I still call it a "broken moral core".
This is profound. I believe it to be a match to my lesbian ex-wife. She kept it a secret so long, that when the mask came off, it was "I dont give a shit about anything or anyone AT ALL", other than myself. She literally said at one point, "I want to do what I want to do and I dont want anyones opinion or thoughts on what I do". This woman is a in her mid 40's with the emotional intelligence of a child. The only rational explanation is progression of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)
- W10J
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Re: Opinion Question
I think that is what is damaging, the personality disorder/broken moral code. I have gay friends, perfectly decent human beings who have to deal with social pressures I don't have to. But none of them are like my ex. He says he's trans, I think he's a narcissist who found another way to be the center of attention. He did have some very confusing and damaging things happen to him in childhood, but I think that caused the personality disorder, not the trans. Trans fits his desire to be cool and a rebel and still have a ton of social approval. I'm not saying all trans people are like that. I do try to keep an open mind, and while I don't claim to understand gender issues, I can see that for some people trans could be legitimate. I don't believe it is for him. Even if it were, I'm pretty sure being trans wouldn't cause a person to lie, manipulate, steal, and rage at anyone or anything who doesn't fall into line, including other drivers and even innocent animals. I think that's personality disorder.