My spouse does not realize I know.  I have 4 kids.  I know my spouse well and know everything would be blamed on me based on too many past experiences to count.  God has given me the Patience and Wisdom to prioritize my kids above all else.  I have 5 years until my youngest is 18 and graduated from high school.  I will not proceed with any divorce until then.  Even then, I have to have manipulate the circumstance so divorce will be his idea to have the best outcome.  I know the excuses that he will give in the future.  "Well, I verbally abused you four kids and your Mom because I was confused."  Every reason will be placed upon being gay.  Well, I myself am strong enough to persevere well through this.  I have endured for probably 15 years.  I think I may become frustrated or resentful if he persuades my kids to support him and abandon me.  I am the reason for this delicate balancing game of Jenga to ensure none of us triggers an emotional outburst from my spouse.  I am the reason for changing my kids' attitudes toward their Dad of one that is no longer hate.  I have nowhere to go at the moment.  I think God has also allowed this enormous amount of debt, including me being sued by 3 creditors in the past 6 months, as more incentive to remain as is.  I have never worked so hard in my life for income.  I pay for a lot, but I do not cover the large finances, including mortgage and cars.  I cannot support myself financially at the moment, much less 4 kids.  I am also praying daily to not be my youngest child's worse teacher, as I am homeschooling him this year.  So, here I remain for the next 5 years, praying daily for God's protection of my kids and myself.  I have also found the humility to ask for my spouse's protection so he does not encounter anything nefarious that could affect our kids.

Last edited by NextChapter (January 31, 2023 2:28 pm)