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- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
It's February the 14th. Early in in our r'ship' because we never married I tried to make Valentine's Day *our* day. It never fit with my partners black and white view of the world.
I woke this morning and sent this to my 4 children
"" Morning thoughts. No response required, it's too early!
I have no plan. I decided it was time. If I didn't do this, leave the life that has diminished me and left me feeling disconnected from just about anything and everyone in it then I never would. Now I've decided to leave your father I actually have to make a plan.
I have nothing to make a plan with. He has the financial power our life ran on. And that makes me feel kind of useless (which is why I've probably stayed so long) What the fuck do I do now. There are ppl living in cars, with no homes. I should be grateful for the life I have right?
I carry on with what I've started that's what I do
...because I can't go back because I would feel even more useless ""
KIA KAHA
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I returned home after a week away....during which there has been catastrophic flooding and an earthquake in NZ!!...to
a very subdued partner who I'd told to read a few papers I'd left him to read about the processes of separation and the options. I asked him for his thoughts and he said "very final". Since then nothing. At all. Total avoidance.
It's all I can do to keep it together and keep telling myself I've been in this closet forever and I have to get out even if he's scuttled in to a back corner of it and is ignoring me
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- Blackie563
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Hang in there, Elle. Throughout my entire process, my lesbian (maybe lesbian??) ex wife has been cruel, lied, selfish. I have had to push through every step towards divorce which is now only a judges signature away from being complete. Each step, she avoids, and get more angry WITH ME as if I have done something by putting my foot down and saying no more to her lies, gaslighting, infidelity, emotional neglect, etc. Regardless, it is clear to me that she views herself as a victim, vs the perpetrator that she is in this scenario.
Dont let it phase you. Keep pushing, you are almost there
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Blackie563 wrote:
. ....Dont let it phase you. Keep pushing, you are almost there
"Almost there" sounds a bit rushed for me lol. I do realize this will take awhile but am totally prepared for it 😃
I did message all my children this morning (as a group) and expressed my disappointment that none had reached out to me. Which of course 'broke a wee dam of hesitation' on their part and me and my boys talked a bit. Nothing from the girls yet
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- HereInMpls2717
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I don't know what to think about people responding to this stuff. I guess my bro-in-law was going to call me. My LW came out to him weeks ago and he asked how I was and said if it were him, he'd be completely losing his mind (YEP). To my knowledge he's the only person she's come out to who even thought about me. Hasn't called me either though.
Kids are in an especially difficult, confusing situation. You're both their parents. Hearing that your parents are divorcing is hard at any age and what a confusing reason to try to understand.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
...Kids are in an especially difficult, confusing situation. You're both their parents. Hearing that your parents are divorcing is hard at any age and what a confusing reason to try to understand.
My son apologised for not being in touch and said I have a place with him when he moves into a new rental. I'm in two minds about that. He'll be fine...he's my boy/I'm his Mum....but he does have a girlfriend.
Yes it will be tough for all 4 of them but in varying degrees I'm sure. My older son said "I may be homeless tomorrow but I can fit you in the car somewhere" LOL
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- MJM017
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
It's not easy, Elle, for sure. In my case, my support scattered except for my father. He was my rock.
Determination to leave an abusive "in the closet person" is what got me through to the final decree. Was so happy to be rid of him. Best day of my life. Very different from the worst day of my life --when I married him.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
It's not easy, Elle, for sure. In my case, my support scattered except for my father. He was my rock.
Mj....I feel like there's nobody who really believes that I'll leave. I feel alone. And that this will take all my strength and wits and belief in myself to get through
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- MJM017
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I feel alone. And that this will take all my strength and wits and belief in myself to get through
E
Yes, it really does. It's the one of the most stressful events in life.
It doesn't last forever and you heal. The bonus is you're away from the misery. You have hope for the future. ❤️
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Anon2222
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I am right there with you in all this. I, too, feel very alone. One step at a time is all we can do. I am thinking of finally seeing a lawyer. I've been too afraid. I worry that if I see a lawyer I will somehow end up with nothing, and that it will turn into some insane legal nightmare that turns my life into a living hell....I also don't know why it bothers me so much but I vacillate between feeling guilty for not handling this the right way somehow, for wanting to talk to a lawyer, and for not trusting him enough in the process. It's so messed up. I don't know how I ended up in this situation where I spend so much time worrying about what I did wrong! And he dumped me!
Passing along supportive strength. As we all continue on this journey we were unwittingly dragged in to.