Rob and 42...I think my reply to him was my chance to move on. I wouldn't call it forgiveness as such but I'd rather move on without bitterness

Anon42 wrote:

I'd probably try to describe the pain he caused/is causing more. Though I guess you've done that multiple times over before or even in other parts of that email. And it may not make a difference to him anyway.

 
Yeah nah...A thinks differently and I know talking to him wouldn't help. It was always me doing the talking, me who wanted assurance.. clarity. While he hardly engaged with my concerns.

But I'm here if he ever wants to discuss anything. Pigs will fly if that ever happens.

E

Elle - I reached this same point myself. 

Last week, I filed for divorce. Unfortunately, I still need to keep in touch to an extent to ask certain questions and what not (as it's just soooo much cheaper than having to use a lawyer for every basic question). 

In his last email, he talked about how we should remain in this basic no contact state for now until things "calm down" and "blow over". Then after that we can be good friends. I am completely baffled.

I am assuming he is just going to ignore everything I asked, but I did reply to this with a few questions....like, please tell me what I gain from this idea? And that if he truly wanted to be friends after this, why hasn't he shown one iota of caring about me for over a year? 

It's mind boggling. That he would think after all the shit he put me through, then he just walked out and refused to talk about anything, and it's been a year and he can't even be nice to me....that he thinks I'm just gonna stick around? 

In some opposite universe were he sat down with me and had an adult conversation, where we discussed what was happening, worked out an amicable solution and then did the separation and divorce where we were both supportive and cared about the other....then, MAYBE I could see it. 

But.....doing absolutely nothing, refusing to talk, treating me like crap....sure, I'll jump right at the opportunity for such a friend *eye roll*

It's stupid questions like confirming an address and random crap. I'm likely gonna end up paying $15-20,000 for the divorce as it is. It costs like $35/minute of the lawyers time so I'm just trying to shave off what I can.

It's hard though. One moment I feel like I'm immune to his BS, the next minute I'm bawling. I'm over it. But I keep being told how well I am handling everything....not really feeling it, but ok. 

I will say, despite the wild swings of emotion you couldn't pay me enough to ever go back to that situation. That much I am firm on. I want nothing to do with him and don't want him playing a role in my life once the divorce is finalized.

My weakness still lies in having a few questions about the relationship itself. I'm at the 85% point of accepting I will never get any answers but I'm still working at beating back that last little bit of hope.

Divorce is awful at the "best" of times....this whole deceptive sexuality thing adds a whole other fucked up dimension to this.

Update;

I'm still living with my son & his girlfriend. Still feeling welcome/unwelcome. 
I applied for an apartment for people on low incomes but while I qualified they believe since the rent would be 62% of my income that I would suffer hardship. And declined the application. 
That's what I get moving to an expensive city......in a recession, cost of living crisis, and thinking it'll all work out.

I hate my life this morning