OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- Anon42
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Yeah. I understand how might feel. It seems like it's the same with my wife unfortunately. I'm about to send her an email about my feelings (even though we live together, but it's hard to find time to talk 1:1). Not expecting much in return.
- Anon2222
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Elle - I reached this same point myself.
Last week, I filed for divorce. Unfortunately, I still need to keep in touch to an extent to ask certain questions and what not (as it's just soooo much cheaper than having to use a lawyer for every basic question).
In his last email, he talked about how we should remain in this basic no contact state for now until things "calm down" and "blow over". Then after that we can be good friends. I am completely baffled.
I am assuming he is just going to ignore everything I asked, but I did reply to this with a few questions....like, please tell me what I gain from this idea? And that if he truly wanted to be friends after this, why hasn't he shown one iota of caring about me for over a year?
It's mind boggling. That he would think after all the shit he put me through, then he just walked out and refused to talk about anything, and it's been a year and he can't even be nice to me....that he thinks I'm just gonna stick around?
In some opposite universe were he sat down with me and had an adult conversation, where we discussed what was happening, worked out an amicable solution and then did the separation and divorce where we were both supportive and cared about the other....then, MAYBE I could see it.
But.....doing absolutely nothing, refusing to talk, treating me like crap....sure, I'll jump right at the opportunity for such a friend *eye roll*
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Anon2222 wrote:
...................Last week, I filed for divorce. Unfortunately, I still need to keep in touch to an extent to ask certain questions and what not (as it's just soooo much cheaper than having to use a lawyer for every basic question). ......
I'm not a religious person by any means Anon but....Hallelujah!! Another step taken by you 
I kinda wish I could do some of this between A. and me and avoid lawyers bills but I don't want to put myself in the position of exactly that.....getting into conversations that may make me angry, triggered or upset. Going the lawyer route keeps it separate and clean. The few emails we've shared have been guarded and platonic except for the last one from A.....that I responded to appropriately unemotionally I thought.
Last night I received another bill for $900 !@#$%^& which is chipping away at my pot of savings but I'd rather that than get into a conversation with the man who will probably be giving me more than half of the r'ship split anyway.
I remember all the times my emotional outbursts at what he did and what was happening to us would spiral me into distress and I thought I'd die from it. But once I could admit the love was gone it all turned into a matter of survival, which meant no more emotion wasted on A. (omg....sometimes I sound so hollow and cold I think I'll never be emotionally-warm again)
If you keep asking him questions Anon you'll always be questioning the answers he gives you
Elle
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- Anon2222
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
It's stupid questions like confirming an address and random crap. I'm likely gonna end up paying $15-20,000 for the divorce as it is. It costs like $35/minute of the lawyers time so I'm just trying to shave off what I can.
It's hard though. One moment I feel like I'm immune to his BS, the next minute I'm bawling. I'm over it. But I keep being told how well I am handling everything....not really feeling it, but ok.
I will say, despite the wild swings of emotion you couldn't pay me enough to ever go back to that situation. That much I am firm on. I want nothing to do with him and don't want him playing a role in my life once the divorce is finalized.
My weakness still lies in having a few questions about the relationship itself. I'm at the 85% point of accepting I will never get any answers but I'm still working at beating back that last little bit of hope.
Divorce is awful at the "best" of times....this whole deceptive sexuality thing adds a whole other fucked up dimension to this.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
.......My weakness still lies in having a few questions about the relationship itself. I'm at the 85% point of accepting I will never get any answers but I'm still working at beating back that last little bit of hope....
Well when you think about it....15% is not much.....you're 85% almost there.!! The Forum will always be here for "ranting and raving" too. We're a far superior soundingboard and listening ear lol
E
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Update;
I'm still living with my son & his girlfriend. Still feeling welcome/unwelcome.
I applied for an apartment for people on low incomes but while I qualified they believe since the rent would be 62% of my income that I would suffer hardship. And declined the application.
That's what I get moving to an expensive city......in a recession, cost of living crisis, and thinking it'll all work out.
I hate my life this morning
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- Anon2222
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
*hugs*
I am actually horrified at how expensive it is to be alive right now. I do make a half decent income overall....and I honestly can't afford to be a housed and fed adult. Apparently inflation on food alone this year has gone up another 27%.
That sounds like the perfect solution for those who are low income.....refuse to provide housing because it will take too much of your income....so you can do what exactly? Become homeless?
All I can picture is someone tsk-ing and saying "I'm sorry, but your income is too low to qualify for low income support, it would be too much of a hardship for you to have us support you". Has the world gone mad?
Coming from the other side of the world, I'm sorry to say I don't know a lot of the supports available in your neck of the woods. Is there any sort of assistance for gaining further training or education to improve your employment status?
I wish I could offer something more than a virtual hug!
I had to get some serious dental and maxo-facial surgery done. It is the result of an accident (I took a blow to the face), which should be covered (restorative treatment due to illness or accident is supposed to be covered under my work dental benefits). The insurance company has decided it's "cosmetic" - my jaw broke, which cracked the tooth and the whole thing abscessed. They covered the bone graft and tooth extraction but then said everything else was cosmetic. Apparently I should just deal with the gaping hole and deformity in my front teeth, as that doesn't count. Long story short I had to take a loan to cover the $8000 the insurance denied AFTER everything has already been started. The dentist is appealing the decision...but she's not holding out hope.
I'm up there on the hating life thing right now. Because you can add the lawyer fees in and I think I'll be paying off debt until I die!