OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
OutofHisCloset wrote:
Elle,
I don't know if this will apply to you, but I'm saying it because forewarned is forearmed.
My ex was someone who avoided, closed down, resorted to silence, and liked to ignore the elephant in the room, and I think you have said similar things about your partner. However, once the process was started, I was amazed to see how proactive my ex was on his own behalf when it came to assets. So you will need to be prepared to stand firm and stand up to him, and at a time when you don't feel strong at all.
I just don't know how this will go Oohc. But we don't have much and my savings are separate from our joint assets so we'll see what advice we get from our lawyers through the collaborative process
E
KIA KAHA
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
....I don't know if this will apply to you, but I'm saying it because forewarned is forearmed...
....you will need to be prepared to stand firm and stand up to him, and at a time when you don't feel strong at all.
I mentioned to him last night that he had left off the list of tools in the garage but.....I wouldn't even know (or care for that matter) what the value, if any, they hold but I did mention it and he seemed surprised I'd thought of it.
We have nothing. I'm realising we live well, have discretionary cash to live well, A has a good, well-paying job, we've holidayed, I can fly off to visit family whenever I wish but when I dig down and look hard at my/our life
....it has no meaningful substance anymore. And that makes me feel sad for what my life has become because after this A will have all the financial power of a man who was always the breadwinner, he'll have the core of what we both started and will build on that whereas *I* will have to begin again at 65.
I wish I'd seen and appreciated what was happening earlier and acted sooner
E
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Okay....yesterday I was thinking I need some face-to-face support in the next few months until things
become clearer as to when & where I will start my new life so this morning I visited a Women's Centre
here in ChristChurch and introduced myself.
To ease myself in I'm going to go to a yoga class there tomorrow morning
E
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
well done Elle. brilliant - what a good idea, you will get all the up to date info in a group like that.
- Toward the Light
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
“To ease myself in I'm going to go to a yoga class there tomorrow morning
E”
Yeeeeeesssss! Just keep saying yes to anything that connects you to your community. Yoga = taking care of yourself. You WILL get through this.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Lily and Toward.....the yoga class was small, just 2 of us and the teacher, but it was a good experience.
In fact....afterward the other woman mentioned she was in the process of divorcing her husband (she's the same age-range as me) and we went for a coffee afterwards (I actually had a yogurt instead lol), Talked about ourselves, exchanged mobile numbers and though I felt a bit weird, with a touch of suspicion ..gave her my address after she had given me hers.
It all seemed too good to be true that she was going through the same as me
Elle
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I don't know that it is so coincidental that she is also going through a divorce but it strikes me too as a bit odd that she should give you her address. Did she give a reason?
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I don't know that it is so coincidental that she is also going through a divorce but it strikes me too as a bit odd that she should give you her address. Did she give a reason?
No and I didn't ask. I probably should have. Too late now, I was caught off-guard I suppose. It was either be open and trusting or suspicious and untrusting when all I had to say was "I'm not comfortable giving you my address yet"
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
yeah, it's a learning curve, isn't it. Could be the same for her.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Another step taken.
My son, who lives in the same city as my partner and I but is moving and has said "come live with us" asked his father "you know she's going to live with us don't you?"
I had been angsting all day about when, where and how I was going to open the conversation about the decision but my son just 'ripped that bandaid off'.
It was awkward for a moment, his father didn't really say a word. No emotion at all. Typical.
E
KIA KAHA
- •
Thread Starter