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January 18, 2024 9:38 am  #51

Re: Husband GID or OW?

I should’ve mentioned he didn’t just bring it up randomly. he was explaining that he had ED and premature ejaculation because he doesn’t feel like the man of the house, telling me he needs to work on that, we need to work on our relationship for him to get better in the sexual department. This conversation led to me telling him maybe it’s just me, like maybe he just isn’t attracted to me. He told me last year after “sauna day” that “he knows there are better looking women than me - like the Barbie girls, but he assured me he loves me. It’s given me low self esteem and especially my confidence in the bedroom has dropped severely. I’m an attractive woman but not a barbie. I told him how his comments about better looking woman really hurt me - it’s just not something you say to your woman, of course it hurts. We all have different attractions and perspective of what is attractive. But to tell your lover who and what just for me is not respectful. So once I mentioned this he screamed at me that he doesn’t like a “done up, Botox, lip fillers barbie girl”. He actually looked me in the eye and said “I’ll tell you what I like - Asian girls” then went on to no no Latina no I meant Italian. This has really hurt me. I’m just wondering if this is him trying to point me in the other direction - any direction that avoids me thinking he’s gay. One minute he “hates women”  then he wants to tell me WHICH TYPE of woman he likes. Everything but me. He just doesn’t seem to know how to speak to a woman. What makes a woman happy/sad. Or he just doesn’t care.

Rob, would you ever discuss your physical preferences in a woman with your lover? Is there really any need? Especially when it’s so far from what your lover is.

I haven’t even told me family or friends anything about my relationship for months - always believing it’s me causing these problems, because that’s what he’s taught me to believe.


January 18, 2024 2:33 pm  #52

Re: Husband GID or OW?


No I would not discuss "my preferences" with my girlfiend".
I can't imagine how the subject would come up. It certainly sounds like he's misdirection you yes.   Like my girlfriend is quit honest she finds Rob Lowe attractive..and I'm only jealous because I would kill for his hair..but I don't find the conversation hurtful.

To be frank.. ED is a combination of physical and mental issues.."woman preference" as an excuse for it is an ignorant thing  to say.

It sounds like your husband has a lot of issues..but you being enough for him physically and emotionally should not be one of them.  I'm not sure you can fix his issues be they same sex attraction, treating you poorly etc.   

Its a horrible thing TGT..once it's suspected or known it's forever there.

Last edited by Rob (January 18, 2024 2:40 pm)

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

January 18, 2024 11:14 pm  #53

Re: Husband GID or OW?


Your h is probably sensing he'll be given the heave ho soon. My GIDXH went into word salad overdrive when I was interviewing divorce lawyers in secret.   I heard types of women he likes which were nothing like me, women we both knew who were begging him for an affair, confessing he had girlfriends all during our marriage, a few new repressed memories surfacing of more people molesting him as a kid (5 altogether- I was keeping track).  I was so fed up with his lies and abuse I didn't care anymore.  He was a guy who ran to the men's bathroom each time we went out. He'd stay there at least ten minutes.

It's up to you if you tell him to leave the house or not. At least don't put up with the bs cr@p he's telling you.

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

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