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November 7, 2022 6:15 am  #1

GID pushing for sex

My GIDSTBXH claims to be closeted bi. I discovered proof shortly after we found out we were pregnant with our first child. I found evidence that he had slept with a Shemale escort while on a work trip. When I confronted him he denied being gay or bi. In the past three years, I have found evidence (and maybe an evolution for him) where he admits in his own journal that he is bi. My question is whether he is really gay and just slowly coming to terms with it? Given his culture and profession, he will never come out.

A little background, he is a quintessential narcissist and I likely am co-dependent. The relationship has been toxic from the beginning. We were friends for a year before we started “dating”, ie he made a move sexually. He has an addictive personality (alcohol, work, money, sex… everything has to be in excess). I have stood by him through some truly horrific things. Although he feigns remorse at times for the things he has put me through, it’s always fleeting and never changes his behavior for more than a  short time.

Our relationship has always lacked emotional intimacy and affection. However, it has not lacked physical intimacy from his side like most GID stories I hear about.. About a year ago, I told him that I would no longer have sex with him due to the lack of emotional connection but also because of a  lack of trust. I do not trust that he is being faithful and do not want to put my health at risk with whatever he might bring home.

Things have come to a head because I am unwilling to have sex with him and because despite his promises to make efforts to reconnect (spending time together, is that such a terrible thing to ask for from a “partner”?), he makes no effort. I’ve also discovered financial secrecy and betrayal. All part of the narcissism.

He gaslights me endlessly but the most difficult one to digest is that he accuses me of being eternally unhappy and negative. It’s simply not true. I have a blessed life with financial success and two beautiful healthy children. I admit that our rship is less than fulfilling because of the lack of connection but I am starting to believe that the unhappiness in our marriage is more of a projection that he will never find peace and happiness because he cannot successfully maintain this marriage and still have his single life with freedom to have sex with men.

Is he bi? Or is he GID?

Regardless, I believe the marriage is over because of everything else. Looking for the strength to move forward.

Last edited by LookingForStrength (November 7, 2022 6:17 am)


November 7, 2022 12:31 pm  #2

Re: GID pushing for sex

Welcome to our Forum LookingforStrength

It doesn't matter what he is, what matters is how you feel about it
It sounds like you have already started to detach from this man so keep tapping into the strength that's kept you going for this long and has allowed you to see and accept what he's doing to you and your r'ship AND your family.

Have you seen a lawyer?


KIA KAHA                       

November 7, 2022 5:46 pm  #3

Re: GID pushing for sex

Yes. In the process of consulting before I confront him.

I know it “doesn’t matter” but there is a part of me that wants the clarity of knowing. Maybe it’s response to gaslighting that I feel like I just need to know the truth.

     Thread Starter

November 7, 2022 10:13 pm  #4

Re: GID pushing for sex

LookingForStrength wrote:

...I know it “doesn’t matter” but there is a part of me that wants the clarity of knowing. Maybe it’s response to gaslighting that I feel like I just need to know the truth.

I've been through the trauma of "wanting to know". I have a man who has been hiding who he is for so long that even if he answered my questions I could never be certain they were true. So I no longer ask.
It became easier once i became adamant in my decision to not be intimate with my partner. There was no going back from that decision either, I'm glad I made it.

Confront him about what LfS...?


KIA KAHA                       

November 7, 2022 11:42 pm  #5

Re: GID pushing for sex

Confront him that I know he’s still being unfaithful physically and financially.

This platform has been so helpful over the last week in trying to make heads and tails of the last few years. The gaslighting and narcissism has left me completely hollowed and questioning myself. It’s been helpful to understand that I will never receive an apology or truthful answers from him. And that he will never have remorse for the impact this has all had on me.

I’m grateful for the my two beautiful young children. They are the only thing that keeps me from feeling angry that he wasted my time over the last decade.

     Thread Starter

November 8, 2022 1:18 am  #6

Re: GID pushing for sex

LookingForStrength wrote:

Confront him that I know he’s still being unfaithful physically and financially. ....

What do you think his reaction will be? More gaslighting, dishonesty, anger? If so why bother?
And if he does spin this confrontation round on you...are you ready to face that?

KIA KAHA                       

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