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1 of 1- Lost_thought_space
- New member
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How to get past my rekindled negative self-image
My wife has come out as gay. I’m left wondering how I can possibly recover from the self-doubt. We will be divorcing, and it’s about as amicable as it can be.
I have always had negative self image. I’m a short guy (5’6”), and aside from my beard generally on the feminine side… hmm probably part of why I’m here.
My wife wanted to be clear our romance was real, and there was desire blah blah blah. That’s dead and at this point it’s meaningless for me to try and feel like she ever desired me sexually.
Now I’m just spiraling with losing my already low self confidence. I mean will I only be able to attract women that are inclined towards feminine men? Am I doomed to experience this again in the future? The one person I thought had eyes for me clearly didn’t, so will I stay single for the rest of my life?
Seriously I can’t handle this mind fuck I’m in. Deep down I know I’ll be okay, but wow. Never thought I’d be a member of the club no one wants to be in.
- Blackie563
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Re: How to get past my rekindled negative self-image
Lost_thought_space wrote:
Now I’m just spiraling with losing my already low self confidence. I mean will I only be able to attract women that are inclined towards feminine men? Am I doomed to experience this again in the future? The one person I thought had eyes for me clearly didn’t, so will I stay single for the rest of my life?
My friend - I am sorry this happened to you. I say "to you" because there isnt anything you could have done to make it happen. This is on your wife, perhaps for ignoring what she always knew was different inside her, or flat out lying to you. It doesnt matter, the point is, this isn't on you.
When I first found it, I was equally devasted. In some regards, I still am. That said, you will always attract what you put out. What you put out is reflected back to you. I have chosen to put out positive energy, kindness, forgiveness (which is for me, not the wife who has lied to me and treated me like shit). What I've found over the past 3+ months is; I have more options than I ever thought possible and I'm not trying to be in a relationship right now. I'm not Denzel Washington by any stretch, but I think I'm ok. I have a good heart and personality. I feared no one would love me for me. While I've not found that yet, I am confident I will. That is reflected back to me, almost daily.
If you have always struggled with confidence, find the source of that. Once you identify it, deal with it separately from this issue. Learn to love you...its a cliche, but happiness truly is from within. Until you can be happy with yourself, you'll not find it with someone else.
Be well, keep your head up. This isn't your fault. Remember, forgiveness is for you, not the one who has done wrong. Stand in your power, even if you feel you have none. Day by day, make progress...it will get better, even if some days are awful. Thats normal. It's you time....focus on you