fashioncate wrote:

I'm new here. Posted my story today. My husband denies anything but a straight orientation but so much of his actions indicate otherwise. Manscaped body, thong underwear, anal plugs, conical vibrators. He has always been a minimal communicator. I have a very challenging time getting him to explore why he needs these things in our life. "I just do". He has never denied being gay, he is just incredulous that I ask. I have not asked about bisexual orientation. I guess that is next on the list. Any advice how to start or carry on the conversation?

 

Welcome to our Forum Fashioncate. I read your story in Our Stories and can only say the further you are 'accepting' of the things he does the further he will draw you in to the way he wants his life to be. You no doubt have a view of how you see your r'ship but your husband's view is different to yours and the longer he tests the waters (what's next I wonder?) the more he'll think you're okay with it all.

It was a difficult first step to tell the man I once thought was everything I wanted and could do no wrong...that I actually didn't want to be intimate with him again ever...but I did it. We're still together but our r'ship is a 'changed format'.
And it doesn't matter that he's gay, bisexual or a cross-dressing crocodile.....the fact is you feel uncomfortable with how he presents himself and you're part of the relationship too right! You have a say in this!

Don't carry on the conversation. It'll probably go nowhere. 
What would he do if next time sex is on the table instead of going along with it...to get it over with (can you see what this is doing to you?)....what will he do/say when you tell him "no"...?

Elle
 

I think that he is gay but will never, ever, come out. I will not tell you to leave or that he does not care for you. Do what is best for you. Ellee still lives with her gay boyfriend. I  left and she didn't. I am holding a good thought for you.

You asked whether he is bi, gay or what?  He's a "what", and that "what" is "not straight".  What you have described is not reflective of a straight sexual orientation, including his sexual texts with a male co-worker.  Straight men do not do this.

I hate to say this, but I would not be surprised if he's got something on the side.  His grooming, underwear choices, new sexual stuff is not for you.  You have to ask yourself whether you are ok being married to a non-straight guy who doesn't sound honest and is engaging in activities that make you uncomfortable.  As others have said, get yourself checked for STDs and look out for you.  You deserve better than this and will go bonkers living with someone who drives you crazy.

 

I asked my ex-h if he was gay to which he said no but when I asked him if he was bisexual he was more open to discussing it, I think he thought he had a good chance of getting me to accept it.  I sat there for two weeks getting him to chat about his bisexuality.  All I really needed was to see the pink skin when he talked about men. 

What he is is Gay In Denial - it's a thing.  a way of being.

He said he was special, it meant he had a choice and that it was none of my business.  When I argued whatever he was he wasn't straight and that he should have told me, he reversed back into insisting he was 100% straight.  

I don't think there is any point in talking discussing or arguing - you will be strung out til the cows come home.



 
 

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Last edited by fashioncate (October 24, 2022 7:35 am)