Firstly....well done, congrats, you're almost through the Mindfuck and you can begin to find yourself again. 

Secondly.....we all know you're stronger than you think you are

Thirdly.....don't become a cat lady..lol

Elle

The first few times you go out and do something solo, it may feel weird, but lose yourself in the moment, especially if it's not just a chore. You may find it's refreshing not to have someone with you, perhaps checking their watch or phone incessantly, wanting to know how much longer before they can leave.

If you want a cat, get a cat! They joy of pet ownership comes from your interactions with the pet, not from observing someone else with them (big exception for small kids though).
 

My mother is exhausting.

Today on the phone she told me she was sure I was going to find a good man and be married again soon. I told her I wasn't even sure I was going to be dating again anytime soon, let alone getting married. She said nonsense, of course I want to be married soon *rolls eyes*

So, I changed the subject and started talking about how I went to look at a cat and she was incredibly sweet. This ended with a lecture about how stupid I am and how on earth could I even consider getting a cat. That I can't even think about making such decisions for at least another year. And besides, I have to look at it realistically now....having so many animals will drive men away. No sane man wants a woman with a lot of pets.

I have wanted a cat for years. Gay hubby "put his foot down" and said no more cats. I have 3 dogs and a cat right now. Over the past couple years he decided he hated them and has already told me he wants nothing to do with them and will never have a pet again. Since he came out as bi at first he became increasingly intolerant of the dogs...to the point where they would bark once and he'd be yelling at them. It got to the point where I was paranoid about the dogs doing something "wrong" and all of us getting yelled at.

So, I decided to do something solely for myself....and get a second cat. Even though it probably is a stupid idea and I've had a ton of anxiety over making the wrong decision. But...I just want to do something for myself you know? Be in control of something.

Of course, my mother is also strongly pushing me to rehome my dogs, because a single woman can't handle that many dogs and they'd have a better life with someone else. All of this has been very helpful for the anxiety!

Anon2222 wrote:

My mother is exhausting......!

 

Another case of an outsider (not IN the r'ship) who just doesn't know what to say. I'm not really sure how my mother would've handled me telling her my partner wanted to see other people. See I can't even say "men" now even though it's you guy & gals I'm commenting to and Mum's no longer here....lol
She was from another generation that didn't talk about some things. But I wish I'd told her because even though she wouldn't know what to say I know she'd be a listening ear

Elle
 

My only thought is that if your dogs have been stressed by your husband's behavior perhaps now it not the time to add a new pet. Maybe give them a few months some time to adjust to the new calm and try to interact more with them. All of you will benefit from his absence given that he was an unwilling participant in your lives.

You will feel better yourself if you take care of yourself/pamper yourself. Colors help. Which ones will you use in your home, assuming that it will be yours post-divorce.