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August 26, 2022 4:25 pm  #1

Found my "straight" boyfriend's gay sugar daddy.... again

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We’re both approaching 30 and are at the point of wanting to potentially get married and have children.

  A year ago he signed into his YouTube TV account on my computer, which also signed into his gmail account. I later opened my computer thinking it was my inbox I was viewing. I truly wasn’t looking when I found email threads he was sending men several years ago, seeking sexual meet-ups through craigslist. There was one reoccurring email address that he seemed to connect with over the last 10 years, but the last time was 2018. I brought it to his attention that I found it, and he completely broke down. He was humiliated and told me he was molested by an older man from age 7-12 and he's been confused because at the time he liked it. He went into detail about the molestation acts. Afterwards he would leave gay porn on and make him watch it. In his late teens and early twenties he told me he used to meet up with these gay men so he could reject them in person. He would make sure they could see him, then drive away. It made him feel in control. For a visual, my boyfriend is very tall, good looking, and muscular. I didn’t fully believe him, as the emails were very graphic, but I did believe him about the molestation and tried to be understanding. I was devastated to learn that he was taken advantage of at a young age and my attention stayed on that.

A week later I found the gay dating app, Grindr on his phone, as well as photos of his genitals in his camera role. He said when I found the emails he was triggered into wanting to meet up with these men to reject them again. I asked about the pictures and he said he needed to use those to get their attention. I also found that he had been messaging a couple dozen women on instagram throughout our relationship. Nothing serious, but enough to make me feel completely disrespected and want to break up. I also saw that he had met up with a man the previous day. He told me it was to sell him used socks and underwear. He was in a rough place financially. WTF???!!! no way that was the initiative of meeting up.. but I believed it. 

At the time, I was a top creator on onlyfans. So I understand how these things go... and I couldn't believe he was doing that behind my back while shaming me for having and onlyfans page. 

We broke up. I had to call 911 because he had a gun and was threatening to kill himself. He ended up in a mental hospital. He called me asking to make things work. It was very emotional and I guess this was where my co-dependency issues kicked in. We then moved across the country together for a year. I was already planning on going, but now he wanted to come too and leave this all behind to start over. I didn’t worry about other men at all during our time there. I believed his weird excuses about rejecting the men he previously seeked out.I was in denial. I also deleted my highly profitable onlyfans page because he didn't want to share me, which I actually was happy to do. I wanted us to belong to each other. Things were fine for almost the entire year, including our sex life - until he lost his job a couple months ago. 

A year passes. A month ago, I found a video on his phone of him masturbating. He laughed it off and said it was an accident, he must have pushed record while watching porn. To be fair, it was very short and awkward and did appear as an accident. However, I also found gay porn searches in his history. 

This weighed heavily on me over the next month, but I was trying to be accepting. Him being bi was something I could work through, as long as he wasn’t cheating on me. It was still hard to accept. I wanted to bring it up but felt I invaded his privacy.

We moved back home this week. I was helping with his resume when I clicked on his gmail search bar. The last item searched was “sixpackjack69@blaank.com”. I asked why he was looking that guy up.. and he panicked. He took the computer away from me and played dumb. 10 minutes passed, I was hyperventilating, and he wanted to show me there was nothing there. He wasn’t expecting me to click on the trash button. 

The first thing I saw was “August 23,2022”. The next thing I saw was “I’ll meet you here..” which meant that he met up with this man the first opportunity he could - while I was at my new job orientation. He ripped the computer out of my hands before I could see more. It was the same guy he had been meeting up with for years. 

He didn’t have anywhere to hide and it all finally came out. His voice changed to a defeated tone. Well.. more lies to read between. He said that he only communicates with this man when he's desperate because he gives him money. He admitted that the video I found a month prior was for him, and that he paid him for it through cash app. He claimed he put the gay porn on in the background while jerking off in the videos, per the buyers request. He said he sold videos to 2 different guys. This meant he would have been doing this while I was at school and work. It was infuriating that I came to him broken hearted asking about the video a month ago with genuine concern he was cheating, and he treated me like an idiot. I was just in denial and trying to understand him, love him. 

He said he met up with him yesterday and nothing physical happened.. he just gave him $200 because he’s in a rough spot. I don’t believe him. I had a sugar daddy in my early 20s and that’s not how it went. And I think this is where the line has finally been crossed and I have to let him go... 

He claims to download Grindr to find men to take advantage of financially, and whenever things start to get physical he leaves. But I don’t believe that. I brought up the emails I found a year ago and he was confused by the excuses he made for them a year ago. He now claims he would hang out with the guys from grindr and manipulate them, but never do anything sexual. As a former "sugar baby" and onlyfans creator.. I know this isn't true. It just doesn't add up. 

Now he’s at the point where he wants to breakup with me because I know too much. We agreed that we love each other and can’t imagine a life apart, but this new discovery has left me feeling different - for the first time ever. I feel angry, betrayed, and gaslighted. It is so hard to look at him, it doesn't feel real that the person who I've been in love with for 2 years, my protector, is no longer my person. I just cried writing that sentence. I was just trying to accept him as a bisexual while he was doing the very thing he shamed me for + meeting up with men in person!!

He’s the kind of guy who would likely never come out. No one would ever guess he has this secret, everyone would be shocked. He is very much the jock type “man’s man”. And he is also attracted to women, I know this for sure.

It’s very awkward at home right now. I’m hurting more than him, as he has had time to accept and know all of these details while I’m in complete shock. Judging by the old emails I found a year ago, I really think he met up with this man and exchanged blowjobs while I was at my first day of work, and I can never be ok with that. He cheated on me with a man, and it probably wasn't the first time. He's avoiding me because he knows I'm going to say things are different now. He has no money and nowhere to go. I know I am making him sound like the worst partner ever, but he's not. He's so full of love for me, always eager to spend time together, and the hottest man I've ever been with. He went through a lot growing up, we both have really messed up relationships with our families, and I care for him immensely. We were all each other had. He's the first person who I've ever had both a physical & emotional connection with. But I can't look at him the same. So this is very tough. 

I so badly wish I could have been the person to help him navigate all of his demons and inner workings, but it seems he needs a man for that. By the way, I am bi-sexual. 

Side notes that could have been signs

-prefers to spend all of his time with guy friends, mostly online playing video games
-extremely aggressive and violent, always getting in fights when he drinks
-asked another man to spot him to show off how much he was benching 
-never posted me online and wanted to keep our relationship and his life in general a secret


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