I dont know if it really makes a difference, but I feel a need to know.  I had an accident in 2019 and put 19k from a 401k in her account to pay medical bills.  Then I changed jobs a year later and had the loan forgivin and had a cash out of another 35k that went into her account.  She work a mental health provider and had a lot of experience with insurance and  was a c-suite employee making really good money for our area.  She was is my wife and I trusted her.  She told me she was gay a little over a year ago and gave options of ending marriage, having an open marriage or continuing on like we have.  I told her that I couldn't tell her what she should do but that if I was married I needed to be in a monogamous marriage.  She later told me she knew she was bi because she loved me so much.  I started seeing a counselor and attempted to find out what are financial situation was that always involved her yelling at me how we weren't going to fight in front of the kids or if alone that I always ruined any of our time together.  In that year she quit her job and took one that paid less than half her previous pay.  Started working where I do.  Then one day the mailman asked me if I wanted my mail since there was a change of address put in.  I said yes and that I would have to ask my wife what was up.  She assured me all was fine, but when I got home she and my boys and cats were gone.  She said it happend that way because everybody said I was violent and unpredictable but that's not true.  Then later she said it was because she had anxiety was the reason.  Then asked for money.  When I asked about our savings she said they were gone.  All of my medical still needs paid she left me with ton of utility debt and took alot of the items of value in the house.  Our most expensive monthly bill is 383 per month but in 3 years she spent over 200k and left me so much debt and 30 dollars in my account.  I can't process any of this.  How could someone Ioved and spent 11 years with do this to me?  She also took all the tax returns and that doesn't even count another 90000 I made in those 3 years.  I don't even know how to go forward.  Can't afford a lawyer and she just keeps threatening me if I ever ask questions.  A few weeks before she moved out she told me how much she loved that I was always honest with her.  How could she say that if she wasnt?