roka wrote:

Isn´t it the same thing with all of us, straigth or SSA or whatever? In the end it is a choice what we do and if we follow our desires

Interesting timing. We just had this conversation last night. I told her, at the end of the day, you have made and continue to make choices. She chose to continue to pursue this woman and continue on the path even once she felt she might be "catching feelings". She chose to push me away, mentally, physically and sexually and she chose to invest that energy into someone else. That someone else, who now, apparently, is not prepared to leave her husband for my wife. So now she is acting somewhat emotionally available. 

I do not think gay people choose. I do not think same sex thoughts make one gay. I do think if you are happy and have what you want, the idea of "living a lie" is a disney movie type thing. I told her I could fall for a different woman, and give her the same BS line "Well, I thought I was in love with you, but turns out, I have a VERY strong connection to this new woman, unlike ours". If I go after that, would I not be labeled a scumbag or cheater? Of course I would! 
Sad to report, I did send my information to a law firm. I do not think we will make it. 23 years invested to end like this? I am crestfallen, truly, but I feel this is the right decision. She so easily discarded me when it suited her, she would do it again. No different than a man who strikes a woman once....he will absolutely do it again. 

Thank you for the support. As I told my mom, I did everything she taught me, I tried my best, never took her for granted....it just wasn't enough. I'm broken, but not defeated.