OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



August 13, 2022 10:25 pm  #21


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Blackie563 wrote:

...... In my head I go back and forth from wanting to leave now and just deal with the pain, but have a starting point for something new, back to wanting to stick it out and fight for what we built together for 23 years (19 years marriage, 23 together)...... 

 

Yeah you can expect to do that....the back & forth, should-I-stay? no-I'll-go!.....for however long it takes you to come to the acceptance of the change in your life. Real tough with younger children because we don't want to hinder their growth and happiness from our painful situation. Mine were adults and I was able to openly discuss it with them.

Space...you both need space, even living in the same house. Are you able to sleep separately? 
We sleep in separate rooms. best thing I ever did! We're in our 38th year together
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

August 14, 2022 7:53 am  #22


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

It took me almost a year before I left my gay ex boyfriend. Take as long as you need.

 

August 14, 2022 5:20 pm  #23


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Blackie,

We were about 40 years of age, 20 years married, 4 children. My wife fell in love with a woman, it was one sided. After some months my wife told me she was lesbian. So in that regard there is quite some simularity with your situation.
This all happened 17 years ago, we're still married (monogamous) and happy together. If you're interested how, you can read our story in the MOM section (my wive SamanthaNL also has a topic there).

 

August 15, 2022 9:09 am  #24


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Dutchman wrote:

Blackie,

We were about 40 years of age, 20 years married, 4 children. My wife fell in love with a woman, it was one sided. After some months my wife told me she was lesbian. So in that regard there is quite some simularity with your situation.
This all happened 17 years ago, we're still married (monogamous) and happy together. If you're interested how, you can read our story in the MOM section (my wive SamanthaNL also has a topic there).

Lot's of similarities, thank you so much Dutchman. Very helpful to read through it. I am so happy for you and your wife, that sounds amazing from where I sit today. My wife is a great person, but has always struggled with emotional maturity as it pertains to communication. I hope she thinks of this similarly, but only time will tell. I appreciate you taking the time to point me in this direction. 

     Thread Starter
 

September 9, 2022 9:16 am  #25


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

It is finished. She has agreed in principle to dissolution vs. divorce, which accomplishes the same thing, but cost significantly less. We told the kids last night and it was easily, the worst night of my adult life. They were/are absolutely devastated. That has got me absolutely gutted. That said, I think it's the right decision. 

She thinks she really doesn't like men, other than me, but is very attracted to men. The whole being in love thing with the other woman, she says, is separate. Our issue was simply "she no longer loves me as anything more than a friend". When asked what does a woman provide you I am not...she had no answer. Regardless, it's over. I am gutted, but at least I am no longer in limbo. Not the result I wanted, but clarity is priceless. 

Good luck to you all!

     Thread Starter
 

September 9, 2022 7:59 pm  #26


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

None of us entered marriage with this result in mind. Sometimes it's the only realistic solution. Keep an eye on the kids. Ensure they know they can ask questions any time. Continue to be honest with them, even if the answer is that you don't know yet.

I have to disagree with your spouse. This isn't multiple issues, it's all aspects of one great big one.

Take care of yourself and continue to post as often as you need to.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

September 9, 2022 11:17 pm  #27


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Wow, Blackie, I realize this must be so very hard for you. You & I are not far off time-wise with our spouses. I'll keep praying for you, that God's peace will envelope you & your children. I know I'm a hair's breath away from a similar outcome. 30 years in, & I can't imagine pulling the plug on the defining relationship of my life. I love my wife so much. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Please take care of yourself & your children. Peace be with you.

 

September 11, 2022 12:12 pm  #28


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

SameDeepWaterAsPhil wrote:

Wow, Blackie, I realize this must be so very hard for you. You & I are not far off time-wise with our spouses. I'll keep praying for you, that God's peace will envelope you & your children. I know I'm a hair's breath away from a similar outcome. 30 years in, & I can't imagine pulling the plug on the defining relationship of my life. I love my wife so much. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Please take care of yourself & your children. Peace be with you.

Thank you, truly. Thursday night was the hardest night of my adult life, telling my kids. I know they will learn the truth over time, but it hurt so bad knowing all of this could have been avoided with honesty, and communication. I dont even recognize my wife, a woman Ive been with for over half my life (23 years together) The lying, gaslighting, deception, justifications, none of that was her before. It's truly soul crushing. I had to leave, my mental, physical and spiritual health were all in decline by staying connecting, hoping she would come clean. I had to stop that.

I hope you are able to work things out and its what is best for you. I can say I am so sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly awful. I will keep you in my thoughts as well. To a friend I've never met, be well and keep your faith. Sometimes we have to give up what we are,for what we will become....
 

     Thread Starter
 

September 11, 2022 12:15 pm  #29


Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Daryl wrote:

None of us entered marriage with this result in mind. Sometimes it's the only realistic solution. Keep an eye on the kids. Ensure they know they can ask questions any time. Continue to be honest with them, even if the answer is that you don't know yet.

I have to disagree with your spouse. This isn't multiple issues, it's all aspects of one great big one.

Take care of yourself and continue to post as often as you need to.
 

I am Daryl, I am doing the best I can. Took them out for ice cream, told them any question is fair game. Some I can answer, some I can not. Some they have to ask their mother. I won't out her, but I wont lie for her either. I agree with you, whatever it is, impacting her life over the last 6 months, perhaps ,longer, it deeply rooted and its one big thing. I may never know what it is, because I dont think she can find it until she stop lying to herself first. Only then can she be honest with others and get the help she needs. She actually thinks she has a handle on things, which is the saddest part, but also common among people with mental health and addictions. I feel broken, but I continue to rise.

     Thread Starter
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum