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June 1, 2022 1:58 pm  #1

Watching Depp/Heard

I’m a 50-yo man who spent 19 years with a GID narcissist wife.  Responding to her needs, I was heavily invested in projecting a power couple image.  However, it all began to break down when I realized she was never real.  It was one thing to be fake in front of other people in order to project an image, but it slowly dawned on me that she was always fake even when it came to our relationship.

But she never let on that she was hiding her sexuality.  Why would anyone do that?! (I have since learned how naive I was.)

Anyway,  watching the Depp/Heard drama unfold, I realized that their relationship dynamic was extremely similar to mine.  My GID ex would abuse me and I would respond by getting mad and depressed.  And then she would use the evidence of my reactions and depression over her abuse to further abuse me.  I’d come home from a long day and she would have me screaming mad moments after I walked in the door. And then she would say that I have an anger problem.  She would deliberately trigger me and then use my reaction as proof that I was problematic.  Maddening and exhausting.

Because the powercouple image was so strong outside our home, when I began to break down from the actual abuse I was facing, I seemed like the crazy one.   Which accelerated my decline.

This is exactly the dynamic that I am watching play out in court.  Amber Heard would psychologically torture Depp, record his reactions, and then claim that recording is proof of his abuse of her.

And because she is a woman, she automatically got the benefit of the doubt about her claims of domestic abuse.

I’m not a Depp fan.  He is a complete mess of a man.  But I feel for him. 

By the way, is anyone surprised that Amber Heard had a girlfriend before Johnny Depp and another girlfriend recently?   Does any of this seem familiar to any of you?  Is it Just me?


June 1, 2022 2:04 pm  #2

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

Victo wrote:

.......By the way, is anyone surprised that Amber Heard had a girlfriend before Johnny Depp and another girlfriend recently? Does any of this seem familiar to any of you? Is it Just me?

Omg Victo! I'm going to have to watch it a bit closer. It's 7am in New Zealand and I've just heard on the radio the trial
results are imminent. 
It's all been a bit he said/she said....a bit of a ho-hum saga but no I didn't know about the girl thing....hmmm


Edit; on the radio "results delayed because the jury *didn't fill out forms properly* "....what the actuak fuck.....!!
It's now a suspense movie....lol

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 1, 2022 2:08 pm)

KIA KAHA                       

June 1, 2022 7:28 pm  #3

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

So he won his defamation suit against her and she also proved Depp’s lawyer then defamed her.

But there was no proof that Depp abused her.  There was a ton of her manipulative behavior on display.  And there was also a ton of warts and all Johnny Depp looking like a tortured soul in her presence.

The thing is that by dumping her lesbian gf and marrying Johnny Depp, Amber Heard got exactly what she wanted.  Johnny Depp arranged for her to star in Aquaman.  Once she figured she was a star in her own right, she proceeded to gut him and destroy his career.

Hmm.  This feels really familiar to me.

     Thread Starter

June 1, 2022 9:47 pm  #4

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

I divorced my first husband because he was violent so my initial thoughts I have to admit were "ooh Depp, what a monster" Plus I don't particularly like the man as an actor.
It's been like a movie. Except it's real life and the real lives of two people...both who act like it's a role they're playing.

Obscene amounts of money and 'internets' worth of publicity

Watching/not watching it from the other side of the world....I feel like...their reputations mean that much they have to drag each other through the mud just to prove the other is wrong!

It's not going to end here is it?

KIA KAHA                       

June 2, 2022 3:03 pm  #5

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

It just seems so relevant.  I hate that it seems relevant because I hate that I am participating in celebrity voyeur culture like this.  But, it seems relevant because it isn't about sexuality almost at all.  It is about pure narcissistic destructiveness.  

This blog post from 2016 asks the million dollar question about how Johnny Depp, a man who had dumped Kate Moss, would allow himself to get entangled in such an abusive crazy relationship in the first place.  As the man with fame and riches and a long history of dating famous women, why on earth did he get involved with the woman who would do this to him?  

Why or How did this relationship ever get this far? How would he not see the content of Amber’s true character?No one can answer that question but JohnnyWhat I can do is provide some information on the victims of Narcissists, and show you how many people fall victim to those who are narcissists.In hindsight victims can look back and see the red flags, but during the initial start of the relationship the narcissist uses charm, and manipulation to acquire trust. We see this many times with Amber Heard. The numerous lies, the contradictions, the likes, and dislikes being the same things Johnny liked, and disliked.  All false.  Just lies.  This is a tactic used by almost all narcissists.Luring someone in. Someone vulnerable. They can spot a person with a weakness miles away. They learn from a young age how to manipulate, and get their way.
Amber Heard developed a  crush on Depp as a  teenager. She seemed to have researched him. Finding his likes, and dislikes. His personality traits. Why? In my opinion at first I think  it was for fame, and money. To get close to him for her own ticket to the top. She placed herself around people in the film industry that knew Johnny, had worked with him on films.
Johnny had no reason in the beginning to think she was damaged, or lying. He’s stated himself he doesn’t do the internet much so why would he be searching for things she was lying about, contradicting herself? He wouldn’t. He wasn’t on the internet trying to find out if she was a liar. He trusted. Did anyone tell him they had a feeling she was bad news? I have o idea, but even if they did it doesn’t mean he would believe them. By that time the N has already started a mind fuck, ” Your friends don’t like me, whhhy when all I’ve done is helped you? Why won’t they give me a chance?”We saw a decline in him. He looked empty, sad, unfulfilled. He was changing right before us. At times he looked like a shell. This was years before the marriage. So why don’t the victims leave? Breakup? Call it off?For any combination of reasons. Take a look at the before, or at the time he started going out with Amber, and the Depp later on.  Never was anyone less equipped to get out by that stage. I don’t know if this is true, but hypothetically he would feel a failure, depressed, his self worth in the shitter, feeling as though “This is the best it’s going to get”, a deep sense of being a nothing. (those photos of empty eyes making sense now?) and this does nothing, but hurl you deeper into any dependency you may have. (alcohol)The N has drip fed you negatives, about yourself, your friends, isolated you (Easy for N’s, but easier to do to someone that loves their privacy and doesn’t go out a lot) The N’s lack of respect for you, or things they are telling you “You’re too much this way, or too much that way, stop being a baby, your fans are going to hate this, or love this, You’ve really fucked up this time, I can’t believe you’ve gotten away with being this reclusive for years. You’re losing”it”When you realize the N is bad news, it’s usually too late, and you’re left to think about “If I get out I will look like a failure, self hatred, depression. “How did I go through this??” “What do others think of me since I allowed this to happen?” I’m a failure. My friends were right.”Depp may have gotten caught up in the cycle and experienced all of the above. Its the manipulation from the N that lulls you in, and before you know it… you trust what they say, and you don’t believe they would hurt you intentionally. That’s not what love is about right?They beat you down verbally, you start to believe what they say. They are Master manipulators, schemers, and when it starts to go south for the N – you start to get smart to what they are doing.  When you stop feeding their need for admiration, when you stop supplying them with everything they want , and have been doing. (Ex: You want a divorce, or want out)  the N turns on you even more. They will try to affect how people see you as a person. (DV)The controversial Dr. Sam Vaknin, a self-confessed NPD, has written profusely—at times, brilliantly—on the subject. In his article “Pseudologica Fantastica,” he freely admits:[i]“I lie. Compulsively and needlessly. All the time. About everything. And I often contradict myself. Why do I need to do this? To make myself interesting or attractive. In other words, to secure narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, adulation, gossip.[/i]A victim of an N, doubts themselves, they are confused. Gas lighting is a technique of psychological abuse used by narcissists to instill confusion and anxiety in their target to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. With gas lighting, the target initially notices that something happens that is odd, but they don’t believe it.  The target attempts to fight the manipulation, but are confused further by being called names or told that they’re: ‘Just Too sensitive’, ‘Crazy’, ‘Imagining things’ or the narcissist  flat out DENIES ever saying anything hurtful. Gradually, the target learns not to trust their own perceptions and begins doubting themselves.You feel crazy, Every minute of every hour of every day of every year, a Narcissist, who has a DSM classifiable personality DISORDER (ie: not playing with a full deck) is PROJECTING their disorder onto those around them. If you don’t think that having a crazy person constantly blaming you for being “crazy” will make you crazy, I’d like to introduce you to a narcissist that will convince you otherwise.This disorder isn’t a relationship gone wrong. This disorder isn’t kid stuff. It’s MALEVOLENT. It’s a transference of malevolence and MENTAL DISORDER from the person who has it to the person who DOESN’T.So what do some N victims display? Any symptoms? Some of all of these? Avoidance, loss of interest, feeling detached, sense of a limited future, sleeping or eating difficulties and nightmares, irritability, hyper-vigilance, easily startled, flashbacks, hopelessness, psychosomatic illnesses, self-harming, thoughts of suicide etc.Victims will tend to disassociate with their own self. Their body, their surroundings, it can lead to substance abuse, low self esteem, self harm, and this is brought on by intimidation; emotional, physical and mental abuse; isolation, economic abuse, sexual abuse, coercion, control. It is a coping strategy brought on by tremendous stress.It’s a vicious cycle and a victim can already have been through it many times before realizing something isn’t right.So why did Johnny Depp not see this? Why do so many others of N abuse not see it at first? Johnny Depp isn’t a superhero. He’s human. Like the rest of us. Having money, and people around you isn’t fail proof. Sometimes it can make the situation worse. No one is immune. Human emotions are real, strong, and unpredictable at times. You take a trusting, good hearted person, who means well, is successful, and has done well for them-self both financially, socially, and who wants love like the rest of us …….. and you’ve got the perfect “weaknesses” (characteristics) that N’s look for.

Last edited by Victo (June 2, 2022 3:13 pm)

     Thread Starter

June 2, 2022 3:20 pm  #6

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

Victo wrote:

..... I hate that it seems relevant because I hate that I am participating in celebrity voyeur culture like this. ......

Fame/celebrity....tragedy....toxicity.....happening in other peoples lives is a drawcard. It's like a magnet right? but it's a magnet because the whole world is watching and you can be part of it because.....well, the world's there too. Like....it almost gives you permission to be a voyeur...lol


KIA KAHA                       

June 2, 2022 3:50 pm  #7

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

I don’t want to defend famous men who abuse women.  I hate that men sometimes abuse women.  It totally sucks and it should never happen. 


I don’t want the lies of an abusive woman to be believed simply because she is a woman.  I hate that women sometimes abuse men, and our culture should be equally outraged by either kind of abuse.

Abuse is abuse.

     Thread Starter

June 2, 2022 4:04 pm  #8

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

Victo wrote:

I don’t want to defend famous men who abuse women......

Not wanting to defend abuse is a separate topic. 
Being captivated by the drama, saga and lengths these people have gone to to make this public is just human. I've found by taking the abuse factor out and I've found this train-wreck quite fascinating to watch

KIA KAHA                       

June 3, 2022 11:04 am  #9

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

Oh I didn't know she had a gf...not sure how that was expected to work.

I can identify with his abuse.. but I really found it triggering taking me back to the family court.. where my GX lied to everyone saying I was incapable of taking care of the kids and never did...years of taking care of them negated in an instant.  The person didn't know either of us from a stranger and could not possibly know who was telling the truth.   

Fact is most abuse is in private and some of our stories so horrible and incredible only here can we be believed.   The trial also proved to me that our spouses are capable of so much hurt and abuse even after we leave them.  They are a gift that keeps on giving.   I hope him and amber find peace in this life.

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

June 22, 2022 1:12 pm  #10

Re: Watching Depp/Heard

Now that she has lost and been identified as a narcissist abuser, Amber Heard continues to try to gaslight the world:


And I don’t know why this part still seems so relevant:


     Thread Starter

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