It's all just devastating. 
You came home from a trip away and at 1 am he just had to tell you he's gay but he says there's no one else? I'm sorry but really, c'mon. He had company while you were away or went somewhere else for sex. He may mean (twisting things) that he isn't in another relationship...but he's tried it or he would not be so sure. 
Not that it matters, since you are divorcing but don't let him gaslight you.
You've got it together and that's fabulous. I too am permanently disabled (partly from taking care of HIS mother)  I have MECFS, so my level is just about at yours. Needing a chair for more than a 40 ft. Needing oxygen. Easily exhausted. But money is tight. So my situation is such that I either stay here or move into 400 sq ft of low income senior housing. So I get making decisions. All you can do is to take them one at a time and breathe.
My first thought was that if your mother is on her own and you get along, maybe if she gave up her place and moved into your in law suite and paid rent you could stay there?  Then later when the kids are gone you two can buy a condo together or something similar.
I can't remember if it was here or in a book I read recently but it refers to "gay adolescence" which is when people come out and go through a second kind of teenage nonsense where they are obsessed with sex and all the newness of their "revelation" or whatever one would call it. Mine is doing somewhat the same though he is not gay, he's trans.
You really do sound like you have your ducks in a row. Just keep an eye on the money, print out your current balances of every account, etc. 
I got my disability noted as being back dated and got a chunk of money, it paid the lawyer and got me some peace of mind. In a way it might be better if it takes a bit and your settlement with ssa is after the divorce then you'll get to keep any lump sum yourself for medical reasons like ramps, etc if you need them somewhere new. 
I admire your push to end the marriage with dignity. Truly. 

I agree, something happened while I was gone.  For him to have to make this devastating and life altering confession the second I got home is pretty damning.  I don't know if it was to clear his mind or what.  

The Disability situation is so hard and I'm sorry you are dealing with it as well.  I'm 2 years in trying to get onto disability and waiting for a hearing now.  My attorney can't apply for a need based expedition though so I'm still looking at a year to see the judge.  I don't know if the divorce will change what kind of I will get though and am still talking with an attorney on that.  Because my income is about to drastically change.

My dad had Alzheimer's and we got locked out of accounts that could have helped pay for his care because we didn't get POA set up before he was too ill.  Lesson learned and I'll make sure that never happens again.  I also handle our families finances.  Next thing on my list is setting up a new family budget.  

My mom currently lives with my brother and that is a complicated clusterpoop from dad's Alz.  Yes, and option is absolutely that mom moves in with me as my brother is antsy to sell the house they are in how....but honestly really messy clusterpoop I am in no mood to deal with again because my brother forgot some of the stipulations we put in place when they did it an he won't have as much equity as he thinks coming out of it.  And to be honest I would prefer to keep my own home with just me and the kids.  I have a list of ideas and will discuss it with our mediator. 

I honestly don't see him ready to buy a house.  My therapist said most mean that do this wine up moving out of state...have you all seen the same thing? It wouldn't shock me.  

Therapy has been a key to my mental health.  I was in a very very bad place after the last near death experience and I really made sure that my mental health has been a priority for the last year.  Our couples therapist is my personal therapist so she has my back and knows full on where he is and can advise me better when we are one on one.  I make sure I have a personal session a few days after a couples.  

Crystal_H wrote:

Agl03 wrote:

  My therapist said most mean that do this wine up moving out of state...have you all seen the same thing? It wouldn't shock me.  

Yes, when my GXH asked me for a divorce he immediately left the state.

Oh wow, okay thanks.  I couldn't imagine moving away from my kids but he's done a lot of things I never thought he would do.