Maybe it's just him realizing the day approaching so he's being nice?   He's had years to be nicer.


The day my GX moved out I cried.  She made sure the kids went with her for maximum effect and hurt.   At the same it was like load of bricks being lifted off my chest.  I had been living the entire divorce process in physical fear.

So I found that day both sad and relieving.  Really pomp and circumstance..not of my making.

Know that there is a life and world without them.. without hurt and fear..

Hi LMM, I'm incredibly sorry to hear you're going through this. You sound like a very patient, loving person and he was lucky to have you in his corner all this time. I'm sure he has loved you in many ways, even if you can't be together anymore, a marriage doesn't last that long if there isn't some kind of love there. 

I wish I could take your pain away. I truly feel for you and everything you're going through. You are grieving and that can feel so overwhelming- there are so many angles to grief. Your mind and heart are trying to make sense of everything that has happened, as well as mourn many different parts of it. It's more than ok to feel all of this, it's more than ok to not have it together right now. Please remember that.

It might not be comforting at the moment to hear this, but you will adapt and adjust to living alone. You might even prefer it! Something so unfamiliar will inevitably feel terrifying, but the reality is we as humans adapt to changing situations, often without even realizing we are doing so. Before you know it, it becomes your new normal. I hope you find peace in knowing that you have done everything you could, given everything you've had to love this man, and none of this is your fault. This is your fresh new chapter, go forward knowing that you deserve nothing but happiness and love. Although you will still experience affection for him and your memories, it is helpful to remind yourself that it ended for a reason- one that had nothing to do with you. Writing a list of cons, rereading that list, can be helpful in reminding yourself what you deserve in a partnership.

When you're ready, the world awaits you. I hope you lean into friends and family during this time for support. Please be gentle and loving with yourself. It's a process and healing takes time, with a million different emotions along the way. All will pass, you will not feel like this forever. Wishing you immense comfort. Virtual hug.

Last edited by anniescott (March 24, 2022 11:24 pm)

LMM, my heart goes out to you. My husband moved out a few weeks ago and I also experienced "the last time of ..." very painfully. The last Christmas together, the last meal, the last walk in the nature... We are both very fond of nature and we spent lots of time walking to our favorite places. So the last trip was especially difficult for me.

But I can at least offer some hope to you. Things will get better and it may not even take long. Yesterday I went for a walk and suddenly - unexpectedly - I felt happy to walk by myself. If I went with my husband, we would inevitably start to discuss trans stuff at some point... but now I was free to think about things important to me, I was free to feel, to sense the spring... and hope for my future.

Just as lily said, let the feelings come and go, it's OK to feel them. I'm sure you'll find strength, hope and joy in unexpected places.

Yesterday at therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD about my husband’s sexuality and our upcoming divorce. On the inventory, my answer to all but one question was 3, the highest rank on the scale where you rate how often a symptom happened on 1-3. I was really surprised. I had PTSD after a near-death hornet sting in 2016, which made me have flashbacks and panic for  18 months before I saw a therapist and got diagnosed. This is different, of course, but I know that trauma has many flavors. I also have complex PTSD from childhood abuse and from my cult-like church trauma.

I’m feeling all the feelings as they come in this hard few months. I’m definitely not stuffing them or trying to control things. My 7 months in a 12 Step is helping me to do that! But even so, I’m having the flashbacks of memories and intrusive thoughts at a crippling level.

My symptoms from dysautonomia are flaring so badly that I sometimes can’t stand up (my heart beats so slowly I have no strength). My medicine is helping a little, but my nervous system is overwhelmed! I spent my first day at work trying to hide how shaky and unbalanced I am with the symptoms when I stand too long. It kills me that I need an office job because of him, and his behavior made my long dormant illness reappear the week I start working.

I’m grateful for the encouragement here. It’s like a lifeline. I keep reading old posts in the forum. This place is so hard!