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July 3, 2022 9:09 am  #21

Re: Can't tell if these are red flags?

I'm sorry you're going through this annie..i am too.. my boyfriend seems very attracted to me and wants sex all the time is always all over me, kissing me telling me I'm beautful then tells me he's been buying ed pills because the last girl he was with ended their relationship because he couldn't keep it up. Tells me it's because he wasn't attracted to her like he is me but later find out that he's buying these pills.. so probably same thing would have happened to me but he made sure it didn't from start because I've never had that problem with him and always found it odd when women would say they don't have sex that often because he wants it everyday.. i also found in internet browser transgender men dressed up as women and tons of conversations telling them how beautful they are etc..he would pay them online to call him names etc as he's "submissive" but of course denies he's gay or bisexual even though I've caught him checking men out in public.i think that's his way of still being ok with it because they look like women...im very confused as well and lost all trust etc..hope he isn't but just like all these ladies said trust ur instincts...they have much wisdom and have helped me through this beyond imaginable!

Last edited by Shh0406 (July 3, 2022 9:13 am)


July 5, 2022 6:12 pm  #22

Re: Can't tell if these are red flags?

My GIDX wanted me to be so thin and muscular that I would feel like a hard statue when he touched me. His words. His preferred sex was anal, with me facing away from him so all he saw was my back. I used to think if there was such a thing as projected anorexia, he had it, because he wanted me to be impossibly thin. When my waist measured 23 inches, he still demanded I lose more weight. When I look back at old pictures, I looked like a bobble head with stick arms. 

He claimed that he liked big boobs and wanted me to get a boob job, but I think that was just a rationalization for why he never, and I mean never, touched my boobs. (besides, my boobs are nice C cups, not tiny) At the very end of our marriage when he was trying to convince me he'd changed, he managed to stroke my chest in between my boobs, but still made no direct boob contact. I didn't realize how weird that was until after I divorced him and had a healthy heterosexual relationship. 

When I told one of my best friends about how he wanted me to be stick thin and muscular, she immediately said, "is he gay?" I denied it, because he did manage to have sex with me. I didn't realize at the time that many gay men can have sex with women, they just don't want it and aren't turned on, but they can perform. I felt stupid when I finally realized the truth. 


December 27, 2022 8:16 pm  #23

Re: Can't tell if these are red flags?

U truly pinpointed the alpha female in submissive men... when i read that i was like omg that is so true.. tries to do the dishes and cook better than me etc..


March 21, 2023 2:48 pm  #24

Re: Can't tell if these are red flags?

Any of these people saying to trust your gut or if he seems gay, he is gay simply do not know the things for sure they claim to be experts on. A couple years ago I was on this forum and I had gotten some support from some kind people, but others seemed to be still in a lot of pain. People who are in pain see the worst in others. I would know because I still do it. I still judge every man I’ve been with. No one on this forum can tell you if your partner is gay. I say one thing, giving and receiving oral does not sound gay. My advice from a non expert (myself) is to not spend too much time online trying to find help.


March 22, 2023 12:45 pm  #25

Re: Can't tell if these are red flags?

Hi struggling at 30, I wonder why you make statements like 'people who are in pain see the worst in others'?  What makes you think that?  Personally that is not my experience, being in pain doesn't make me see the worst in others.  If anything it means I get to see the best in others as they try and ease my pain.  And those who do not, who see your pain as a weakness to exploit, well they don't look good whether you are in pain or not.

I also wish I'd listened to my gut instinct that something wasn't right with my ex instead of hanging in with him believing appearance over substance.  believing the words he spoke not the feeling I was having so much trouble expressing.

Sadly, when I finally did listen to my gut, it was only to discover, down the road that not only was he gay he had been sleeping with men before he even met me.



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