Can't_Make_This_Up, I am with you!  There are moments that I just laugh at the absurdity of it all...the craziness. For crying out loud, his favorite movie is,"Mamma Mia" and he dreams of opening a bed and breakfast! I think sometimes that if I would tell people the whole truth, they might say,"You've been watching too much of the Lifetime Channel." Then I would reply,"I thought I signed up for the Hallmark Channel." So, I wrote two jokes for myself and when things get too much, I think of them and get a chuckle.

Some people get divorced because they want different things; my husband and I are divorcing because we want the same thing. WINK!

I lost 210 pound in 2021!!! (insert applause - how?) Well, first, I lost 40 pounds and then I got rid of my 180 pound husband.

You're not alone. I want off the crazy train.

Anyone familiar with the song “Blasphemous Rumors”? It frequently pops into my head when I start thinking about life. I’ve caught myself switching between tears and laughter when I take note of the ribbon of irony that seems to be so seamlessly sewn into my life. Here’s a couple examples:

1) I dated a young man briefly before I met my husband, and I left him because I very quickly began to notice signs that he was into sissification (dressing and/or acting like a little girl, I didn’t have the word for it then, but it weirded me out). I then met and married a very masculine/normal young man, who I later came to find out (after we married) had the exact same fetish! What are the odds?

2) The year I got married, I was also officially diagnosed with infertility (after a couple years of trying for a baby and several early miscarriages—silver lining: Years later, I now have 2 awesome little boys). That was also the year I found out my husband had a ABDL fetish (specifically, he liked being the ‘baby girl’ and wanting me to play ‘mommy’)... as you can imagine, that was NOT a good combination for my mental health at that time, very much like pouring salt in a wound. But you really can’t get more ironic than that! You want a baby? No problem! Your husband will gladly fill that role! (WTF?)

3) All the kink stuff went away before we had our first kid. I just had our second in December. Between my husband’s apparent disinterest in the idea of intimacy (to the point of even seeming bored and annoyed when I tried to go down on him... seriously? What kind of man doesn’t like getting blow jobs???) and ending up with birth injuries that may or may not require surgery, my self esteem and sense of femininity were already shattered... and as such, life decided to throw me a curve ball. The fetishes (specifically cross dressing) are back! But now they aren’t fetishes. They’re part of his identity and not something he can happily live without. So now, atop everything, my husband is girlier than me... and apparently his sex drive is directly linked to his ability to express his feminine side. (i.e. It apparently 100% doesn’t matter to him what I look like, I’m not the thing that gets him hard... his lacy panties and nail polish are. So naturally, now that he has them, he wants sex again!) ———The timing is seriously always so bad that I have no choice but to laugh at it. “I think that God has a sick sense of humor.”


Sorry if that’s a little bit darker humor than you were hoping for... but as some comedian (I forget which one) said: “You have two options, laughing or crying.”

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Hopeless Romantic, 

  This declaration that he was a "woman in a man's body,' as well as the other things that came out of his mouth--"I have a little girl inside who was never allowed to come into being"; "I am many women inside"; "I might have DID" (dissociative identity disorder); "People like me are an evolutionary advance"--were so irrational and so far from the logical man  I knew (we both have PhDs) that I thought he'd lost his mind. I grew up with a bipolar father who had paranoid delusions (he thought "the kooks" were after him and hiding in the house 24/7), and who would not admit he had a mental problem, and my then-husband reminded me of nothing so much as my father when he was in the grip of his delusions.  "What are the odds?" is exactly what I would ask myself.  

  

OutofHisCloset,

I can’t even begin to imagine how you were able to listen and deal with him saying those things;  they are irrational almost to the point of being comedic in themselves. I think the thing that really gets me with mine is how *almost* logical he is about everything, while at the same time displaying double standards galore. He doesn’t claim to be a woman, understands that biologically he is a man, says that ‘it’s just clothing’ (lies! it’s cloths and grooming habits and mannerisms) and he’s still my husband/masculine because he protects and provides (implying that it shouldn’t matter to me how he looks and acts).


I’ve got to say, a lot of what I’ve seen you write and how you think/feel resonates with me. Even when it’s not what I want to hear (we all want sunshine and rainbows, right?) I think frequently it’s what I need to hear. So thank you for that.

As far as our sex life is concerned, it almost feels WORSE than that. Basically the impression I got from talking to him is that he’s making an effort to be more amorous because he knows it’s something I want and need, and being able to express his feminine side (even if separate from sex) is the answer to how/why he’s capable of doing so now. So this might be me being bitter, but basically it feels like he’s appeasing me, like I’m a charity case.

Last edited by HopelessRomantic (February 14, 2022 12:33 pm)

OutofHisCloset wrote:

  One night, in particular, he said to me, after a sex session (funny how sex with him then never felt like "lovemaking" but something more commercial) in which for once he didn't dress up in women's clothes, but did engage in his "feminine" behavior of lying on his back and drawing his knees up while sighing out "I need you to f*ck me," he actually said to me, "Was that hetero enough for you?" 

 

“Was that hereto enough for you?”

I’m with you on this one. That is an comically absurd thing to ask someone after sex. How are you even supposed to respond to something like that? And the thing with the knees, mine did something similar last week. He kept wrapping his legs around my waist/positioning himself so that I was between his legs while trying to initiate sex... and I swear the first time he did it I almost DID laugh. My initial impulse was to point out to him that this was backwards, and ask if he intended to try and f*** my belly button or something... obviously I didn’t do that. Then I saw that shy, coquettish look in his eyes and the realization that he was unconsciously playing the part of the woman -my role- hit me like a ton of bricks.