You have left your fundamentalist church but you have not left your faith. You are attending another church. one in which you and your children can develop a different relationship with God, a loving one.

I also was raised in a fundamentalist church, though far from one as strict as yours. It took a long time to see God in terms of "thou shall"s instead of "thou shall not"s. My relationship with God has gotten me through the break up of my marriage, the divorce, and becoming loving and not bitter,

You won't be alone going forward. 

   

Oh LMM - I am so sorry you are here! You have bravely decided to stand up for yourself and your children. I agree with Abby's response. God has NOT left you. This pandemic has taught me that my relationship with God is not based on belonging to a religious organization. It's a reflection of how I know it is only God to help me get through the tough times of life. Continue to take day by day.

I'm new to this group, but I have gained so much insight to ask the right questions to my GID husband. I started out thinking I could be content in a Mixed-Orientation Marriage. We have 3 children and he wants 'everything' to remain the same. I would be in a situation against my foundational principles and still have a void. I am tired of accommodating and bending to his needs to abandon my desires for our marriage. I am empathetic that he has internal struggles, but it's become manipulative. I tried to make it work for a year, and I can't take it anymore. I finally opened up to a trusted friend. I also have a therapist to help me get through this time. Most importantly, I've hired an attorney to help me work through the divorce agreement. My GID husband is traveling until April. I realize how much mental peace and clarity I now have. This path is not an easy journey, but I believe this is the right path for me.  

You are already seeing brighter days! Yes, I believe we both will have sad days but there is hope and unexpected blessings on the other side of all of this! 
 

Last edited by gwendolyn_C (January 28, 2022 12:07 pm)

I'm coming on to post an update. We told our kids 3 weeks ago, and I was really proud of how my husband stepped up to lay it out there. He told them we're getting a divorce because he's realized that he's gay. He feels bad for marrying me when he shouldn't have married a woman at all. Then we explained to them that they'll stay in the house with me, he'll live nearby and help pay bills. They're ages 5-16, so I was amazed when all 5 kids stayed focused during the long talk. Teary eyed sometimes, but they all asked such great questions. 

My 8-yr-old son is really hung up on it being weird that Daddy will be with a man if he dates. Yesterday I overheard him saying to his dad, "So if you guys both remarry, it'll be two stepdads. And of mom dies, then we have THREE DADS?!" He's really processing! 

My husband signed papers and put $$ down on an apartment 2 miles away. He'll move in a month, April 1st. Somehow all my anxiety melted away when the kids knew. I feel so relaxed with my husband, no more feeling crazy and powerless all the time. He never does anything that makes me feel insane or blamed. The kids aren't mad or sad, but instead relieved. The 3 older ones keep saying they're glad Dad can make himself a happy life now, and they always blamed themselves for his emotional roller coaster. They felt like something was wrong their whole lives, but never imagined this. The younger kids are excited for sleepovers at his apartment, and totally fine that he's moving out! All the kids smile and laugh ten times more now! They play goofy games and my teens hang around with me instead of staying in their rooms all day. It's like sunshine came into them. 

Last week, he told me it's painful to see that his kids are this happy when he's leaving. I said something about how close he'll be, so it doesn't feel like loss. I was thinking that it's because he's never been emotionally connected to any of us! He said to me, "Maybe it's because I was always sleeping and watching TV. I never really did things with them like you do. I just tried to stay away from them because I'm annoyed by kid stuff." My whole body had a rush of excitement, hearing him say that out loud!! It's what broke my heart all these years. I pushed him so hard to do things, but he was depressed and sulky. 

Right now the big issue is finding a job. I've never had a real full time job. I have a Masters in counseling, so I could earn good money somewhere - but I'm not licensed to do therapy. I'm interviewing at entry level jobs, wondering how I'll get my kids to their medical appointments every day. We have 2-5 every day during business hours! I won't earn enough to pay someone to take them. Leaving our church 2 years ago means we have no friends now. No responses yet from work from home jobs. I'm praying for something to work out, maybe a barter system with someone who could drive them. 

Glad it has been a relief for you all, thats good.

If your husband will be nearby can't he share the transport to appointments ... you will now both be working so he should step up.

Don't let him off the hook for all parental responsibility, that's not at all fair on you.  Be careful you don't take on all the burdens so he can fly and be free.

Make sure the financial arrangements are legally sound and watertight and don't forget about college funds. Not saying he will, but a lot of us have experienced exes going back on their promises of financial help.

I wish you all the very best ❤

Start looking into what public benefits may be available to you as a single parent. In the US food assistance is called SNAP now and each state will have information about it online for how it works there.

Good that you already have housing lined up for both of you because that's usually the hard one.

Look into your state's Medical Assistance program: the information is probably on the same website as the SNAP information. If your children have disabilities look into childhood SSI benefits which will be explained at the federal Social Security website.

Find out how to enroll them in your local school system and what testing/evaluations will be done to meet their individual needs. 

If there is a local group serving domestic violence survivors it probably can suggest more local helps even if you think you do not need their services.

Step out to step up.