Here's my story, Does anyone have a similar experience?

My spouse and I both come from conservative Christian backgrounds. We met when I was 16, started dating when I was 18, and married when I was 20(spouse and I are the same age). My spouse joined the Air Force and for a long time was depressed, stressed, and anxious but refusing help for fear of losing his flight status. Fast forward to the BML and pandemic, my spouse and I begin to deconstruct partially from our religious beliefs. My spouse becomes very political and creates a socialist/anarchist book club. During a virtual meeting, they come out to their friends as bisexual, feel guilty about not telling me first, and come upstairs and drop this bombshell. 

We've already had problems up to this point because in the beginning of our marriage there was a lack of intimacy and sexual encounters that I found confusing and devastating. Then I discovered multiple times that my spouse was constantly looking at porn, which cut deep because the images being looked at looked nothing like me. I've always been self-conscious about my small chest size, and these were depictions of full women and large muscle men. So when they came out as bi I felt like they married me because I looked sort of like a man. I also felt guilty that we had only had sex with each other and that they were robbed of experiencing this other side of their sexuality, but they said they were monogamous and didn't want anyone else. 

Fast forward to a few months ago, my spouse says they have been on a lot of trans support groups and they felt they were nonbinary. I was a little concerned they were reading so much about the trans experience, but we had friends who were nonbinary, so I felt they were just trying to be supportive. Then a couple weeks go by and they say they want to start wearing more feminine clothes. Again, this is a bit concerning because I've thought a lot about my sexuality since the beginning of all this and I am only attracted to masculinity. But I feel things like clothing, jewelry, and makeup are more gender fluid, so I tried to get used to the idea and be supportive.

Then right before Christmas, my spouse tells me via snapchat (they were gone for work) that the more they think about it, the more they think they're a woman. Which has been devastating because I don't know if I want to be married to a woman. All this is so complicated by the fact that we have three young children all under 6yo, one with ADHD and one with ASD, and we're a military family. So that means I am stuck in they're closet for who knows how long because the military is not super accepting of trans people. And I'm having so much difficulty finding a therapist with my military Tricare insurance especially since I feel I can't fully disclose why I need a therapist. 

Has anyone had a similar experience? After 8.5 years of marriage I feel so lost, betrayed, confused, guilty, and deeply sad.