Hi LAS,

Congrats on the one year anniversary.  Here's a virtual pat on the back from me celebrating your courage.

My therapist suggested EFT tapping to relieve fear and anxiety. I listen to music or meditate. Then I take my right index and middle fingers and tap my left shoulder and right shoulder repeatedly for 2-3 minutes.  I do this daily first thing in the morning. It took a few days before it started to work.

Here's a short blurb on it -

https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-eft-tapping

I write down my emotions on paper for a few minutes when the ruminating doesn't stop. I don't judge my emotions as I keep writing. 

There's also the boring stuff like getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising for at least 30 minutes/ 5x weekly.

Hope the symptoms decrease soon. ❤️‍🩹

I was angry when I found out my ex boyfriend is gay. The anger lasted awhile. My therapist did help but I think what helped more was that I feel in love and got married. Now, I am not angry at the ex gay man. Be as angry as you need to be and I wish you the best.

Thanks all for the tips!

My GP gave me a prescription. I held off in taking it for a long time. I went to see my OB for a check up and answered those preliminary questions they ask...are you sleeping well, have you lost weight etc. I finally told her what happened holding back tears. She said I NEED you to start taking this medication. You’re a functioning depressive state.

I started taking it but it has horrible side effects on me and I stopped. Work has kept me extremely busy but I am not focused as I should be and has caused me to work late nights to get it all done.

I do think therapy does help, however reliving the trauma maybe is not for me. I need the tools to help me get over the trauma.

I have started acupuncture to reduce the stress.

It’s so sad these closeted spouses have no regard for our lives to live this way. 17 years of my life wasted to have half my financial assets divided and fighting for everything I deserve. I didn’t back down to it and then only to find out more of financial impact he hide after the divorce was finalized. When will this ever end? All the lies and lies and lies.

I am sick of it all! I want it to all go away and rid him out of my life; however I keep getting F by this.

I have remained silent with all friends and his family. I’ve disassociated myself from the friends bc all their husbands are his friends. I don’t speak to any of the wives that I was friends with for more than 10+ years. One of the husbands “defended” his actions bc that “his friend”, so I can’t even have a friendship with his wife who I adore bc his treatment to me as his “friend” during my time of need was handle with such disgust. No compassion for a “friend” who just had her life ruined. These are the “friends” I do not need. His wife sent me a card and I replied back to her in a email that told her I no longer could be friends with her because of her husband’s treatment towards me and that I would not want m to cause any turmoil on her marriage bc my friendship with her was based on a byproduct of this disgusting deception. I met all the wives through their husbands (his friends). So now my support systems is almost no existing. How to make new friends in your late 40s? It’s tough!

Now I want to just expose it all. Send screens shots and all the hidden accounts and disgusting pics etc to everyone I know.  Will this broken record  in my mind stop? No. But will it make me feel better that everyone knows what he did to me? 1000 YES! Will I do it? No, because I am a decent human being and ppl will still believe he’s so brave in living his “authentic” self now that he’s a “woman”!

Last edited by LostAtSea (January 24, 2022 1:06 pm)

LostatSea,

I read your story with some familiarity.      Im a 5 years out and ok but it definitely took time.    It is a trauma 
we went through.

Therapy was very useful while i was going through TGT but later as my therapist handed me off to other less experienced therapists I realized it was no longer helping.    I think the last therapist , unfamiliar with my situation, said something stupid like " there are two sides to every divorce" or something like that.. Where upon I realized;     
a.) She was not listening to me or did not understand my story and was assigning fault to me for TGT..
b.) I was telling my story again.

My point being..  we should only have to go through the trauma once.    If you find in therapy that its not helping you process the trauma and your're reliving it over and over...that may not be helpful.    I found 
found Alicia Salzer's "Back to Life" book about trauma helpful.

I think you are doing great getting the help you need.    I can identify with the tears as we tell the person trying to help us...   kudos to your doctor for understanding and helping.    Know that medication or any other help does not have to be forever..  it can be for a period of time when you need it.

I will say this about my or your hurt, anger, reliving, tears, etc..  be kind to yourself..    We live and we feel ... its what separates us from them...it makes us the kind and good people we are.    Cry, process it, but limit it to smaller and smaller intervals .. Know that there is a life without the hurt..