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February 2, 2022 9:17 am  #11

Re: I'm Wondering If He's Gay

It is difficult to take the step to leave. When you do it you will wish that you had done it sooner. I am holding a good thought for you...


February 3, 2022 11:08 pm  #12

Re: I'm Wondering If He's Gay

I’ve been happily married for 33 years , perfect husband etc, only to walk in on my husband with a man. It has come to light that they have been meeting up at our home, his home, cars etc for just over 3 years. This is also his friend, who is also married. 
My husband says he loves me always has, never stopped wanting me, says it was a curiosity thing and it just kept going. He says he’s not gay, bisexual and he’s not even into men
Can anyone tell me if this could be true - I’m devastated and a mess


February 4, 2022 12:48 pm  #13

Re: I'm Wondering If He's Gay

Watch18 wrote:

He says he’s not gay, bisexual and he’s not even into men
Can anyone tell me if this could be true - I’m devastated and a mess

Welcome to our Forum Watch
If it walks like a duck, and you've seen it swimming like a duck (with another duck) and the duck admits it's been a duck for 3 years (that might be a white lie, it's probably longer) .... then you're probably living with a duck.
All his protests will be because he doesn't want to lose your Straightspouse cover that he's using for his secret life.

Go talk to the other guys wife.


KIA KAHA                       

February 4, 2022 2:04 pm  #14

Re: I'm Wondering If He's Gay

Agree with Ellexoh, and others ... the problem with getting at the truth with these guys, is they're only going to tell as much of the truth as they've acknowledged to themselves.  And frequently they've had plenty of practice lying to themselves.

They also tend to confess just a little bit at a time.  There's a very funny "Friends" episode where Phoebe starts talking about the difference between what people say, vs. what they really mean.  As an example, she says when a guy says "I think we should start seeing other people" what he really means is "I already am."  And this is funny because it's true and painful.

So if the idea is to get at the truth, start by understanding that you're not going to hear it from him.  Learn what he looks like when he's lying -- when you KNOW he's lying, just let him keep going.  


February 4, 2022 10:33 pm  #15

Re: I'm Wondering If He's Gay

I second Elle's suggestion to talk to the other guy's wife.  That may help you & her quite a lot.

Last edited by MJM017 (February 4, 2022 10:36 pm)

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

February 5, 2022 12:28 pm  #16

Re: I'm Wondering If He's Gay

okay so you walked in on your husband in bed with a man and he wants to tell you it's only been going on for 3 years and anyway, he isn't into men?

Denial doesn't mean doesn't know it means not telling.  He's been lying to you from the start.

Sorry.  It hurts like hell but I think it's better to face up to it,  As Zsa Zsa Gabor said - darling you don't know the man you married until you divorce him - I think that's the case for you as much as it was for me.  

I agree it would be good to talk to the other guy's wife but want to add a note of caution - you don't know how she will react, do you think she will believe you?

This man has stolen your life.  He's not going to admit that to you til the cows come home.



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