Hello all, 
Reading everyone's stories, I realise there are other people who are experiencing the same or very similar feelings. This is so comforting to me because I have felt so isolated during this year and occasionally let feelings of self doubt creep in. I don't feel strong at all and long for the day I feel stable enough to function in everyday situations and social gatherings. I say to myself I won't pretend but feel I am pretending most of the time just trying to make it through and for other people's benefit - so they feel better about the situation. I'm not going to do that in 2023.
My sister, who lives abroad, has tried her best but really doesn't have the emotional capacity to offer the support I need and in fact has often caused me more stress and anxiety - see the postings above about my nephew's wedding. I have found that when I attempt to talk to certain friends and family members I very quickly wish I hadn't. Does that sound familiar to anyone? I have very quickly established the 'safe' relationships in my life but have also felt very alone.

I have one very close friend who has been unbelievable through all this. At times, I have felt so low that I haven't wanted to carry on - it would just be easier for everyone, especially my sons, but my friend has kept me going...even when I didn't want to.
I hope everyone on here has someone like that in their life, it's a rare thing.

On the 4th Jan it will be a year since he dropped the trans bomb. I remember it well. I had spent the previous 4 days in bed with a bad dose of Covid and the first day I came out of isolation and transferred to the sofa, still extremely weak, he dropped it. He was euphoric.
'It will bring us closer together',
'I need you to help with my style, make up etc',
'I will take hormones and then eventually have surgery',
'I knew when I was 5, and a teenager and told a friend at 19 years old' were amongst some of the things he said.

I met him when he was 24 and we've been married for 30 years.

So as I look toward the New Year I have decided that I will no longer pretend, that my feelings are just as important as anyone else's and that I'm going to be real.

What about everyone else? If you want, post on here something positive you have decided to do for you, to take care of yourself and your mental well being. 
 

OOHC - you go girl!! 

I'm excited for you about looking into buying a house. It's a huge step. Can't wait to hear all about it.

I'm in limbo with regards to housing. I can't afford to pay my gay husband out for the house at this time, so we've reached the agreement of I will live here for now and when I make a decision of what I'm going to do long term then we'll figure that out. If I decide to stay, then we'll discuss a payment plan. If I move then we'll split the profit from the sale.

Fact of the matter is....I can't afford a rental. It would be more than I pay for my mortgage now. And, I have 5 pets....I can't even find a rental at this point that would take animals, let alone that number. And the house I have now has a large yard for the dogs and is all set up.

So, he holds all the cards, as per usual. I give him credit, he has been quite supportive so far and has helped out somewhat. So, I'm cautiously optimistic. But man this sucks.

So, what am I doing for me....

I have an appointment Thursday to get my lashes done. I've never had anything done before. So I'm getting a lash tint and lift. I am also debating a skin treatment for my face to smooth everything out.

I also signed up for some sessions with a personal trainer, and ordered a meal delivery service from a dietitian run company. Since my world fell apart I have been eating horribly, gained weight and my blood sugar levels have gone up to the point where I'm at risk of pre-diabetes. 

So, it's time for a wake up call. I have spent my life taking care of everyone else. So, I'm trying to actually take the time to look after myself

Hi all,

I want to try for annulment next year. I'm rather scared and I haven't started yet but I will try. It isn't nice but it will set me free in some ways.

And I've booked a short cruise on a traditional sailing ship. Always wanted to try that

Thank you for all the stories you share. It means a lot to me.

Last edited by Marianne (December 28, 2022 12:03 pm)

Nadine wrote:

My STBX scheduled an email to me at 8pm Christmas Eve just when I was starting Christmas with my sons. I found his words to be intrusive, manipulative, controlling and with an underlying threat. I read it to my counselor and best friend yesterday and they both agreed. I think his objective was to reach out to me for some form of reconciliation. It had the reverse effect and left me angry and of course, I couldn't say anything to the boys - the word divorce 'popped' into my head for the first time - I think I need to be free of his controlling behavior even if I end up struggling financially.

I want to stay positive so keep the replies coming about what you've decided to do for YOU in 2023.

 

Nadine - I've read your story and you are a strong woman!  Your future is bright! You have survived a lot in 2022 and still standing. Yes, you may have moments of doubt but are walking through the stages of Grief - you are starting to ask yourself what your life would yield if you chose a different path. Choosing a different path is not the absence of fear but also hope.  I wish all of us good healing, good grieving (hope is found in this stage), and good living in 2023. 

Wow. I can resonate with many of you. I have been married to my husband for 10 years and within the last year, learned that he experiences gender dysphoria. While he has no intent right now to transition (faith and moral beliefs), it is still a struggle for me to think about continuing our relationship and marriage with this part of it. While much of him hasn't changed, I still am really hurt by the betrayal and lying that has happened.