Marianne... How can we ever know if the person we fall in love with is straight, an imposter, or a comedian, or sits down to pee (and is still straight!)

The Mindfuck has proven to me you can never know a person until time decides to show you who they are and that it will always be our intuition and the improvements in our self-esteem/assessment/àwareness that should tell us we don't belong with somebody

Elle

Marianne,

It was relative for me..  my GX was so abnormally  mean and cruel.   I thought even if someone I met was a closet gay and dumped me they could not possibly hurt me as much as my GX did.

I think I also one switches their values to more self love and less tolerance of poor treatment.

Well, I fell in love with another man but am still married to my GID husband. It is a long story  (maybe read my previous posts for history - I am a newbie to the support group). After a few years of feeling a void from my husband, I developed feelings for a coworker. I knew this coworker 2 years prior and he NEVER made me feel uncomfortable. I told him that I had a crush on him first. I told my husband about the feelings as soon as lines crossed (ended lunch with a kiss). This is when my husband and I agreed to pursue an open relationship (by now my husband had  hanging with 'friends' for about 2 years). Fast forward - it has been a year and this is not morally working for me. I told my husband last night that I want a divorce. I struggled for an entire year because this is not how I want to define my marriage.

Being in a relationship with a straight man is different. I felt the differences! I have realized that I am valued and worthy of love. I didn't see this until I have been in a relationship with a straight guy. I forgot how a straight guy desires to please a woman and wants to be intimate with her in several ways. He continues to put my needs first even if it doesn't work to his advantage. I say all of this because we can't close our hearts. We can't predict the future but we can't close off opportunities for love again. However, I believe I am done with marriage after this is done lol! Joking but this HURTS so badly!

Elle - O I am so happy to have a place to vent! Wowzer - this is real life! No, my guy is single without children.

My comments in red 

gwendolyn_C wrote:

Elle,
I asked GID husband why he is afraid of divorce. He says because it's final. Hm....he sounds like he would be like a fish out of water if he didn't have a straight woman to hide behind because then he'd be out in the open. 
He proceeds to tell me that he will never allow anyone to tell him who can have as friends. ​These friends have been in our lives for over 2 years! Yeah yeah...my partner said "I'm 50 years old...I'll do what I want!" But when my freedom-from-caring switch clicked on, and I started standing up to him "I won't be intimate with you anymore" "I have my own bank account, it's my money" Well, he's still here and still not talking about what it is he does want. 
 Then he goes into blame-shifting and talks about how I treated him when he was away which justified him coming into town 4 days earlier to hang with his 'friends' and NOT telling me. I basically had to play detective and found out he was in town. Stop taking his shit on board, stop caring how he thinks you're treating him when you know damn well he's treated you worse. Start developing friendships with other people (I don't mean dating!) and begin a life that doesn't revolve around what he's doing. Stop with the detective work, it does your level of calmness no good at all. This happened 2 months ago which was my inflection point. I have to get out!
So start making plans, even if it's in your head. Do you talk to anybody about this?...

Elle