I am so glad I found this website that I can't stop the tears from falling. About a year ago is when everything changed. I must be honest that I had a feeling that my husband was gay, but he loved our family and me. He had a way with words and would somehow cause me to ignore my intuition. I tried to in some twisted way accommodate my husband and fill my void. 

Long story made short - about 3 years ago, my husband started going to the gym around 8 pm after putting the kids (3) to bed. He would stay out until 2 am stating he and his gym buddies would have recreational smoking after the gym. These friends became a big part of his life and he started to spend a lot of time with them. There was mainly one friend, in particular, that he had developed a  strong connection with. Let's call him Bill. Bill was married to Jerome and my husband repeatedly told me that they were all friends. However, I've noticed the amount of physical affection decreased for the last five years.

My husband also traveled for work for months, but he rarely wanted to 'be' with me when he returned. This landed us in therapy 2 years ago. The conclusion was my husband loved me but he was also bisexual. Last year, I started having feelings for a coworker, which led me to propose an agreement to my husband. We both decided to allow each other to explore an interest with these individuals. It has been almost a year and I am not happy. We have had too many arguments because of this agreement. I now realize that I knew he was gay and tried to accommodate what he wanted by allowing myself to be loved by another man. There is too much to write on why this agreement did not work, but the inflection point is when he has plans to come home for the holiday for 7 days. I told him that we (family) could pick him up from the airport now because I plan to get off early. He says that's ok because Bill is picking him up. Then we agreed on a time to spend together. He asks to change it because it's Jerome's birthday and they have plans to celebrate. Oh, he frequently hangs out with this group of gay friends. I had enough. I told him that he didn't want this married life anymore and he can have his new life. The agreement is not working. I want my peace back at all cost and I am letting him go. I have made the right choice as I have spent years trying to accommodate what he wants. I am ready to focus on what I want and that's to focus solely on my children and peace in my heart. This is not what I envisioned for my marriage, I did not picture that we would have other people in it. I understand this is a new life that he openly is able to explore and may have internal conflict.  I don't want to stop him but I don't want to pretend this is ok in my world. I honestly know that we can't go back. Living his truth makes him happy. However, I have to take care of my feelings.

Thank you for providing a space to vent. 

Last edited by gwendolyn_C (December 21, 2021 2:35 pm)