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- winnie340
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
It is so earth shattering to find the unthinkable... I will never forget the day I found "gay" evidence on the computer. I felt like I was coming out of my body... The shock was powerful, he might as well had bodies buried in the back yard.. that's how shocked I was.... The one thing I don't agree with is the number of posts I have read. Why do we feel like we are criminals for snooping? Why should there be any privacy in a marriage??? If you have nothing to hide, why can't your partner see every part of your life? Secrets in a marriage, as we all know, are detrimental to a relationship.. There should be no secrets, and if that is the case you wouldn't be "snooping" in the first place... If you find yourself snooping.. don't feel bad for invading someones privacy.. it's not just someone, it is your intimate partner in life.. Snooping equals something is wrong and you need to validate your intuition..
- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
winnie340 wrote:
It is so earth shattering to find the unthinkable... I will never forget the day I found "gay" evidence on the computer. I felt like I was coming out of my body... The shock was powerful, he might as well had bodies buried in the back yard.. that's how shocked I was.... The one thing I don't agree with is the number of posts I have read. Why do we feel like we are criminals for snooping? Why should there be any privacy in a marriage??? If you have nothing to hide, why can't your partner see every part of your life? Secrets in a marriage, as we all know, are detrimental to a relationship.. There should be no secrets, and if that is the case you wouldn't be "snooping" in the first place... If you find yourself snooping.. don't feel bad for invading someones privacy.. it's not just someone, it is your intimate partner in life.. Snooping equals something is wrong and you need to validate your intuition..
It’s insane what we go through
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Thread Starter- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
I went through the angry rage part already it’s like I died and I’m just here I only live for my children I feel numb I don’t have anything to look forward to I don’t wanna live life with him I don’t wanna do normal things with him like go on trips decorate our house get a new house I don’t wanna do anything with him I don’t have anything to look forward to I don’t have a husband I don’t have or want a sex live with him I don’t have friends I don’t see anyone I died I am not myself I feel numb and depressed I don’t feel like I’m inside my body I just wake up take of my daughter and that’s it nothing excites me nothing makes me happy than my daughter
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Thread Starter- Gloria
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
If you can, take your daughter and leave. Your husband does not deserve you or your daughter.
- Abby
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Going to your parents' temporarily sounds as if it might be a good idea but before you make any plans please consult an attorney about the laws where you live now on divorce, custody and financial support. You need to know your rights so you make sound decisions.
As for your mother's comments about money, it sounds to me as if she is being realistic and does not want you to leave with nothing for what will be a stay of at least several months. She's not able to give you a hug but accept her love and let it give you strength..
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Daryl
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
I agree with Abby, planning is so important here, particularly when it comes to child custody.
Set the board. Start thinking about what you immediately need to take with you and what can stay behind, pending further arrangements. If you're the detail oriented type, start making lists and high-light 'now' vs. 'later' things. This may help you detach and give you purpose and direction, if not for you, for your daughter. Small steps can get you there.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Thank you for the replies
Yes I am starting to look for a custody lawyer before I leave so that way I am prepared I have never dealt with a lawyer before so how do I start? Do I tell the lawyer everything do I tell them I want full custody or no?
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Thread Starter- Abby
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
In the U,S. local bar associations often have a list of attorneys with what areas of law their practices include and if they offer free or reduced rate consultations. If you are income-eligible you might qualify for services from your local Legal Aid or Legal Services office but due to Covid their services may have been reduced and.or have waiting lists.
I think I saw on this board where another poster listed a resource geared towards women. If there is a group where you are that works with Domestic Violence survivors it may be able to provide names of attorneys with whom it is familiar.
Tell the attorney your situation, what you ideally want and if you have any fears about how your husband will react. You want to get as much information as possible and don't feel pressured to retain him or her on the spot.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- MJM017
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Helpme,
Most states have family law self-help centers as part of the courthouse administration. Call to see how helpful they may be. It's simply a phone call to make when your GIDH is out of the house.
Here's the online organization Abby mentioned which helps domestic abuse survivors navigate the legal system: (thanks for finding this, Soaplife!)
Last edited by MJM017 (November 9, 2021 5:39 pm)
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Is it wrong of me to feel bad for him? To leave him ? I guess my heart still loves him but my mind says otherwise
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Thread Starter